


#wanderlust

by nighttime_tea_party



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Ciel is about to turn 18, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern AU, Sebastian is in his mid 20s, obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2019-07-01 11:39:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15773373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nighttime_tea_party/pseuds/nighttime_tea_party
Summary: Ciel Phantomhive finds his blossoming social media career on the line when his photographer leaves for good to study abroad. In desperate need of a new one, Ciel has to hire Sebastian Michaelis – whether he wants to or not...





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow [Ciel](https://www.instagram.com/starryskiesmesmerise/) and [Sebastian](https://www.instagram.com/smichaelis.photography/) on Instagram
> 
> Hello everybody, welcome back if you've followed me from my previous series [Ciel - A Reimagination of Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7303621/chapters/16588006), or nice to meet you if you're a new reader!
> 
> This is going to be a very very VERY very very different story than _Ciel_ ; I hope my old readers will like it anyway and share the fun that I'll have with writing a lighthearted fanfic for a change!
> 
> As with my previous fic, I'll draw art for this one too - more regularly even, as for each update, Ciel (and later Sebastian too) will post pictures to their respective Instagram accounts. I will also post them on [my tumblr under the tag for this fanfic](http://nighttime-tea-party.tumblr.com/tagged/wanderlust-au). EDIT: MY BLOG FELL VICTIM TO TUMBLR PURGE. I need to repost all of my stuff. The tumblr links aren't working right now, I'll fix them when the new posts are up.
> 
> [Art for chapter 1](https://nighttime-tea-party.tumblr.com/post/183163064472/2018-art-for-chapter-1-of-wanderlust-the)

It didn’t look good for Ciel. Worst case scenario, he was about to meet a crazy perverted serial killer. Ciel wouldn't be able do defend himself against such an encounter; the boy wasn't particularly known for his gym body. Another option (the likeliest one) was that Ciel would just waste his time on a man that proved to be as disappointing as the first impression that his online persona made. However, Ciel Phantomhive had a feeling in his gut, and it told him that this man was his chance.

Now, his gut wasn't a particularly gifted one; it was just like any other gut. Sometimes, it could be very right, like when his cousin Elizabeth _“Lizzy”_ Midford called to tell him that she'd received a letter from the university she'd been dying to get into ever since they were little. Ciel's gut told him that it was a letter of acceptance, and when she opened it with Ciel on the line, and he heard her ecstatic cries of joy from the other side, his gut was proven right.

Other times, it was terribly wrong, like that one November night when Ciel missed the last tube, decided against calling an Uber, and opted for the long bus route home instead. It was one of those very foggy nights when white lights suddenly broke through the mist in the middle of the street, only to turn red and disappear within no more than a second or two. As Ciel waited at the bus stop, he wished for a thicker jacket to hug him warm, but all he had was the embrace of the damp November air, his fingers and face and neck left clammy and cold. The bus couldn't come soon enough, though when it finally came to pick the tired boy up, and a pack of drunks started asking him whether he had lost his mummy and daddy and wouldn't stop until they got off half an hour later, that's when Ciel knew that it had been wrong to decide against the Uber. He was even surer of his wrong decision when he could barely keep his eyes open as the bus finally arrived at his stop at half past one. But no other time did Ciel know better that he had made a bad decision than when he noticed that the man that had disembarked at the same stop followed him close behind. Even as Ciel increased his pace, the stranger caught up, and now he just couldn't make another bad decision. When Ciel fished for the phone in his pocket, he was almost sprinting already, but the stranger came even closer; he wouldn't be able to make a phone call in time, so he resorted to turning around and breathing in for a loud cry for help, but before he could do that, the stranger raised his hand, and whispered, “Wait up! You dropped your wallet on your seat.”

Indeed, Ciel had dropped it. Indeed, the stranger carried the wallet in his risen hand. The man apologised for creeping up on him like that, but he hadn't wanted to shout out loud in the dormant neighbourhood at such an ungodly time. Ciel's gut had been wrong to decide for the bus, but also to worry for his life, though perhaps one couldn't blame his gut to be alarmed in a situation like that.

Then there were the times when his gut just overthought things, like everytime two or three new posts in a row received less attention than usual and he thought that his career was destined to go down like a leaky boat.

This time, it definitely wasn't one of the lattermost cases, and his gut was sure that the boy wouldn't get abducted, robbed, or killed that day, either. He would meet the person of interest in a busy café in a populated area at four o'clock in the afternoon – most inconvenient conditions for any kind of felony. If Ciel's gut was still off and today's appointment turned out a failure, at least he would get a good snapshot of one of the place's gorgeous sundaes for his _Stories,_ and thereby do some work. If the feeling in his gut was right, however, Ciel would finally find a new photographer today.

He _needed_ a new photographer. Summer holidays had just started. His old one, Lizzy, would leave for good come fall. Ciel was happy for her, he really was. It had been her dream all along to go to Paris to study fashion design, and Ciel always knew she'd make it. The girl was talented and worked hard for her success. She'd sewn her first clothes when she was ten; at twelve, she produced her first collection. Granted, little Lizzy didn't understand as much about tailoring yet, so her early designs fit awkwardly: larger than planned in some places, a little too tight in others.

At first, it was with great resistance that Ciel modelled the clothes for her, mostly because the eleven-year-old didn't feel particularly comfortable posing for the camera in her overly frilly creations. With great enthusiasm, however, Lizzy continued to work both on her sewing- and photography skills (because for a good portfolio, she had to have good photos), and over the years, she refined both.

With her steady improvement and continuous use of her cousin as a model, Lizzy passed her enthusiasm on to Ciel. He was blessed with a photogenic face, looked effortlessly good in her photos, and he also looked effortlessly good in the clothes that he started to like picking for himself. At first, he hid his enthusiasm because he thought it vain. Ciel didn't have that many occasions to wear fun clothes anyway, since the school uniform was his status quo on weekdays, and he didn't go out much on weekends. His closest friend and dearest cousin, however, took notice of the well-picked outfits that she did see him wear outside of school once in a while. It was also Lizzy that encouraged the boy to open an Instagram account, where his very first post was one of her _future portfolio photos_ . Ciel wasn't even fifteen yet. It was a very casual post; the caption read something like, “Idk what to post, so here's a photo of me wearing a shirt that Lizzy made.” A single photo and a repost to Lizzy's feed with the caption _go follow this cutie_ brought him fifty-four followers on his first day. Not particularly many, by any means, and yet Ciel was baffled. Fifty-four people, and he didn't even know most of them! Half a hundred people saw his picture and decided that yes, this boy was worthy of their attention. If he kept this up, he wondered how far he would be able to make it.

He made it from fifty-four to twenty-five-thousand followers in two and a half years. _Starryskiesmesmerise_ , his online persona, had become Ciel's personal little success story. It didn't come from nothing; to be a successful social media influencer, one has to put out high quality content regularly. Daily, if possible. That wasn't easy to do – Ciel was seventeen; still in school, and he took his studies seriously, but so he took his career on the side. Two and a half years of dedicated work to get where he was, sleepless nights filled with homework that couldn't be done in the invaluable golden afternoon hours, and a pair of parents that were close to taking the phone from their son not only once, nor twice, but many times. The world didn't pause when he had a test coming up, and his followers certainly didn't wait for him to return. Social media are a short lived business; if Ciel's Instagram went quiet, the engagement of his followers would decrease – his reach would drop, and his brand suffer. He was lucky that the Midfords lived close to him, and that Lizzy enjoyed taking photos of him; otherwise, he couldn't have kept it up. It helped that Ciel had evenly shared his earnings with her ever since he started making money from their efforts.

Ciel had relied on Lizzy for two and a half years, and now she'd be gone. He'd known for a long time that this day would come, and it wasn't like he hadn't tried to prepare himself. He wouldn't miss her that much – they had the internet, and she'd come home regularly. It wasn't their friendship that was on the line; it was Ciel's career. He was happy that Lizzy could live her dream, but that didn't help him with his own worries.

Ciel had started to look for a photographer months ago. Money wasn't the issue; he could afford the services of a professional with what he made, since he still lived with his parents and had no significant living expenses. The problem was that he had to find someone that could bend their schedule to Ciel's demands, which came frequently and spontaneously. London was full of photographers; full even of _good_ photographers, but finding one that was willing to devote much of his time to one model wasn't as easy as Ciel had hoped.

When Ciel stumbled over the profile of _sebastianmichaelis35_ , he was a bit desperate. _What kind of a lame username is that_ , and _he doesn't even have a profile picture; he's probably ugly as fuck_ , were his first thoughts. Ciel had landed on that profile because of a really pretty picture that he had seen in one of the tags he always browsed. What awaited him on the profile, however, was a flood of grainy phone pictures of a cat. What a huge no-go.

He was about to return to where he came from, but a feeling in his gut told him to do otherwise, and so he scrolled down instead. Perhaps he had seen them in the corner of his eye: Amid the masses of bad pictures of one and the same feline creature, a few genuinely good photos were strewn in: A handful of green landscapes that looked very Scottish, some pictures of clean and impersonal household aids that resembled commercial photography, and most importantly, portraits – the majority of them of a young Indian-looking man. The good pictures on this profile were very different from each other – there was no one style among them. One could have assumed that they were just a chance collection of images taken from Google if the portraits didn't share a common underlying feeling that tied them together. They had an effortless look to them; a little candid, but always refined.

Ciel sensed an opportunity right within his hands. This _sebastianmichaelis35_ had solid photography skills – even though he was even more skilled at hiding his talent among a load of rubbish. That, however, was Ciel's chance. It was safe to assume that the person at hand didn't often receive job offers, if ever. Ciel's greatest obstacle so far had been finding somebody with enough time to devote to him. Most photographers he had contacted preferred to work with multiple models, and the ones that considered devoting much time to one person seemed to prefer women, which came as no surprise to Ciel. This guy here, however, certainly didn't have the choice.

Then again, what if this _Sebastian_ wasn't interested in photography as a profession altogether? His feed didn't scream _hire me_ after all. Was sending him a message even worth the effort? Was thinking about it worth the effort? It had never worked out so far, so why should it work now? And yet, Ciel had no choice. Time was running out. Better to try and fail than not to have tried at all.

With great doubt, Ciel finally composed his message. It was mid-July, uncomfortably hot and humid, and the thought of doing anything at all annoyed him, but what annoyed him even more was the thought of wasting another morning when he really had no time to waste at all. And so he had no choice but hide in the darkness of his room and do the best he could, which was type, type, type.

 

» _Hey Sebastian,_

_I’m Ciel Phantomhive, a London-based influencer focussing on fashion. I stumbled over your feed by chance and noticed that you have a few really nice photos between your cat pictures. Am I right with the assumption that you're the creator?_

_If yes, I have a job offer for you. I’m currently looking for a new photographer to work with. The portraits of your friend that you posted stood out to me as something I’m looking for. I'm offering a monthly wage of 700£ for about ten hours per week; occasional business trips possible, travel and accommodation will be paid for. If you’re interested, please reply for more details._

_Looking forward to your reply,  
Ciel – starryskiesmesmerise« _

 

He wouldn’t answer anyway, Ciel was sure he wouldn't. Most people didn’t reply, despite Ciel’s presentable number of followers. He wasn’t sure why that was the case; the boy suspected it was either because he didn’t fit most photographers’ ideal vision of a model, as his _unique selling proposition_ of looking cute and maybe a bit childish made him a niche influencer of sorts. Had Ciel worn a bit more Prada, Armani, or Salvatore Ferragamo, he might have looked posh enough to be taken seriously, but that was not Ciel's image, and he wouldn't change his brand that he'd so carefully created over years. Or maybe it was plainly his age. At seventeen, it was easy to doubt him to be a reliable boss, and while his small and skinny physique contributed to Ciel's overall style, it also resulted in often being estimated even younger than he actually was. Ciel worked with what he had, but sometimes, he did wish he’d leave a more mature impression.

It wasn't like Ciel was unhappy with his appearance. At seventeen, some boys can look well into their twenties, while others seem to be stuck at fourteen, and it was perfectly normal for him to be leaning more towards the latter. That was alright. Ciel was earning a living with what boiled down to his looks, after all – how many people could say that? The boy he always saw in the mirror was a pretty handsome one. He definitely didn't look fourteen either. Just not twenty-three. He was okay with that, he really was... only complete shitpricks reduced him to his young appearance. It definitely wasn't an insecurity, no.

To Ciel's surprise, _Sebastianmichaelis35_ replied within an hour.

 

» _Hello Ciel,_

_Maybe the many adorable cat pictures mislead you but I’m an adult of the same age as my friend Agni, whose pictures I indeed took myself. I work a real job and earn a real wage as a real photographer. Enjoy your summer and study hard next term so you can also earn a real wage in a few years._

_Cheers,  
Sebastian« _

 

Wow. What a jerk. Ciel had expected some form of rejection, but not this.

He put the phone away and took a deep breath. No use getting angry. What was getting angry going to achieve? Nothing. Nothing at all. It was another failure, Ciel did best accepting that, getting over it and trying again. Another deep breath. Really no use getting angry. Just too bad that he was angry already. Boiling. Ciel picked his phone back up. He'd crush that idiot like a tiny insect. No. He wouldn't. He'd just forget about it. He put his phone away again, left his room, went into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of tap water and swallowed it all down at once. _Too warm,_ Ciel thought. _It’s about time we get one of those fridges that make ice._ He went three circles through the kitchen, poured himself another glass but realised he'd had enough water, so he put it away. He'd calmed down a bit, anyway. Ciel went back to his room and picked his phone back up. There was work to do, pictures to post, a photographer to find. No use being angry. No use. So why was he checking Sebastian's message again? Why did he have to fuel his own anger like this? He couldn't help but counter. Perhaps it made him look childish; the seventeen-year-old didn't care.

 

» _Dear Sebastian,_

_My bad, there was no way for me to tell that you’re not a toddler who just got his first phone and secretly stays up late to take photos of his kitty cat in the worst light possible and steals photos from the internet. No idea how you earn your money; you can't have many clients, judging from your online portfolio. But maybe you’re one of those sorry guys that take these terrible passport mugshots for a living. What a waste of talent, I stand with my opinion that the few serious shots in your feed are nice. I’m glad I’m not wasting my money on a jerk like you, though. Enjoy the heat wave working your cool job. Meanwhile I’ll go earn my own fake money with my fake job, and look for someone else to give my fake £££ to._

_Fuck you very much,  
Ciel« _

 

Maybe Ciel overreacted a bit, but it was hot. So hot that his head hurt and it was only eleven in the morning, everything sucked and he just couldn't help it. He knew the reply was entirely unnecessary and it would've all been forgotten in a matter of a few hours had he not answered. And yet that reply just needed to be written. Letting a bit of that steam off cooled him down. _That'll show him,_ he thought. Then Ciel realised that if Sebastian wouldn't leave him on _read,_ he had to expect yet another reply. Neither were options he wanted.

It didn't take long until that message icon popped up on Ciel's screen again. He hesitated to open the message. The boy had been quick to lose his temper, but he knew that from a furious reply like his, only another furious reply could come. He didn’t want to be confronted with that; he knew it would only make him madder. It wasn’t the first time he had made that mistake.

Ciel took another deep breath and checked the message.

» _See, the problem with you Instagram brats with your rich parents is that all you do is boast about your newest purchases online and expect to be worshipped for spending your parents’ money. And apparently it’s enough to be able to pay someone a wage just to be able to fill your feed with even more proof of your money spending extravaganzas. I’ll give you that you’re willing to pay for the service you want, but I’m not gonna get employed by a kid that doesn’t know what it’s like to work for his money. You don’t know what it’s like to work as a photographer, or work any job at all. As for the content of my Instagram, what does it matter to you what I post? I don’t need to prove myself to children on the internet, I’m not posting for you.«_

Great. As expected, Ciel was even angrier now. What sort of arrogant imbecile– » _You don’t understand the first thing about working in social media, that’s obvious. People like you get jealous because you only see the persona that people like me work so hard to maintain. Do you know what this is? This is a full-time job next to school. I get less sleep than I care to admit because that's how much work I'm putting into maintaining this account. You can bet your ass that this is proper work, it’s a hell of a lot of work to put good content out there regularly, you should know how much effort it is to go out and shoot regularly, even for the model, but that’s just one part of it. Let's not even begin with the obligatory networking. But you probably don’t even want to understand it, so there’s no reason for me to even try to explain anything. I should’ve saved myself the effort to write this reply altogether. Bye.«_

Sebastian immediately typed again.

» _Maybe I understand nothing about this 'influencer' thing. But you're right, I couldn't care less. What I care more about is kids not getting enough sleep. Are your parents aware of this? They should see to taking your phone away from you, apparently you're not capable of setting your own limits. And didn't they tell you not to talk to strangers on the internet? I could be a dangerous pedophile for all you know.«_

Ciel regretted ever having given Sebastian a chance. He wouldn't opt out of this conversation now, though – giving up would mean losing face, and Ciel wouldn't have that. »How old do you even think I am?«

» _I don't know, judging from your photos, thirteen, fourteen?«_

» _Oh, come on! I don't look THAT young! I'm turning eighteen this year!«_

» _My bad. I'm not particularly gifted at guessing people's ages, I guess. All the same, though. Shouldn't you be focussing on your A-levels?«_

» _I AM focussing on my A-levels and that's why I need to work well into the night to keep up both with school and Instagram. That's none of your business, though.«_

And that was it. Ciel waited a day for another snarky reply, but nothing came back. _Read yesterday 11:34 am_. The boy wanted to be offended to be left on read, but there wasn't much that could've been said in reply, so he couldn't. It was hard to let the topic drop, however. It felt as if their argument was incomplete. Ciel wanted to say something, but that would've been petty. Time to let go. It was the beginning of his summer holidays, and unusually hot for Great Britain; he would be smarter to channel the negative energy that came from the weather and idiots on the internet into more profitable outlets – namely, the bubble waffles that he'd treat his cousin and himself to after today's shooting. Lizzy had found a place that put giant heaps of ice cream into them, and that was just what Ciel needed to cool down.

Thinking of ice cream, Ciel was getting dressed when he got another message after all.

 

_»Hi again,_

_Sorry for yesterday, I spoke out of place. I admit I know hardly anything about social media influencing. I shouldn't have made any quick assumptions about you. If you're willing to educate me on the subject and would still consider hiring me, I'd be up for discussing the details on what the both of us would want out of this job._

_Yours sincerely,  
Sebastian« _

 

What was that all of a sudden? Had he had a stroke that changed his personality? Did he realise what he looked like now, after he'd spoken to Ciel the way he had? Let alone the suggestion that he might just be a sex offender.

Under different circumstances, Ciel would've just blocked _sebastianmichaelis35_ at this point. Forget, forgive, live on. Okay, perhaps not _forgive_ , but something along those lines. The way things were, however, Ciel was desperate. It was him that had reached out to Sebastian, and Ciel felt a little responsible for that. Sebastian was a jerk, but perhaps a useful jerk, and as long as there might be use in him, it was worth trying. Lizzy's devotion to helping her cousin out was still going strong, but Ciel knew that it was only a matter of weeks, perhaps days, until she just couldn't keep it up anymore, and he needed a new photographer _now_ , if only to fill in until he found a better one later.

He would proceed with caution, though.

Ciel was on his way out when he typed a quick reply.

» _Are you for real? Are you aware you're giving off strong serial killer vibes? Suddenly playing nice and polite like that.«_

Sebastian was quick to explain. _»Maybe it helps to know that I had a conversation with a friend, and he changed my mind a little bit.«_

» _Let me guess. Do you need the money?«_

_Sebastian is typing… Sebastian is typing…_

_Read 2:12 pm_

_Sebastian is typing… Sebastian is typing… Sebastian is typing… »Yes.«_

Ciel smirked at his phone. Money ruled the world. His potential supplementary photographer here might end up being easy to tame with the simplest kind of bargaining chip. He wouldn’t leave him off the hook just yet, though. _»_ Apologise one more time, and do it properly. Explain yourself and tell me what exactly you’re sorry for. After that, I’ll consider your plea. _«_

Sebastian took his time, but Ciel didn’t have to wait for too long. _»I may or may not have complained to my friend that anyone could do what you do and make money from it, and when he asked me why I don’t just do it myself, I realised that it’s not as easy as it looks. I’m sorry I didn’t take you seriously. I’m sorry I belittled you and I’m sorry I said you don’t know what real work is. I googled what you do and I’m a little smarter now.«_

Ciel huffed. That was good enough. _»It really grinds my gears when people write my work off like you did. Normally, I wouldn’t even consider you anymore. I don't know why I'm doing this, but yes, I'll give you another chance. One more word of disregard and you're blocked quicker than you can say 'but I'm broke', though.«_

» _Alright.«_

Wonderful. _Sebastianmichaelis35_ was subject to Ciel's mercy. If all of this ended up in vain, at least Ciel would have the satisfaction of this loudmouth eating his own words. » _But mind you, this is just a yes to a job interview. Nothing has been set in stone yet.«_

» _Of course, I understand.«_

Suddenly, it was all so easy. Too easy, anyone else might have assumed. Not Ciel. Maybe it was the heat on the tube that had gone to his head, but Ciel was hopeful. After three months, finally, for the first time, there was the prospect of finding someone to help him keep his blossoming career alive. Ciel had a looming feeling that Sebastian might be one of those neckbeards; his cat was probably the only woman in his life that loved him. But he could arrange himself with that. Sebastian would only be his supplementary photographer. Ciel's gut told him that it would be alright.

“You look happy,” were the words that Elizabeth greeted Ciel with that afternoon.

 _Happy?_ Well, relieved, anyhow.

 

* * *

 

Ciel arrived at the café a few minutes to four, before Sebastian. It was a place he had wanted to go to for months, but the timing had never been right. The way there was inconvenient both from home and school, but for a business meeting, it was worth making the effort. First thing Ciel did was snap a few shots of the interior: succulents and other evergreens decorated the ceiling like garlands and balloons at a birthday party; wrought-iron tables and chairs competed for space with large flower pots, and lost: even the tabletops were marked out as territory by tiny little cacti.

Ciel would post one of the pictures later, when he was more comfortable. For now, he didn’t really have the capacity to think of how to edit the picture, or what comment to add. He didn’t yet feel like deciding on what to order either, so the waiter agreed to come back when his _friend_ would arrive.

 _Friend_ , Ciel laughed to himself. He didn’t even know what the person he waited for looked like. At least that was the case the other way round, and so Ciel couldn’t help but sit upright, keep his face high, and hope that the stranger would recognise him immediately. Ciel regretted not even having asked Sebastian what he looked like; it felt unarming to be left to the other one’s mercy.

Much depended on this meeting and he couldn't wait to get it over with. As he sat there, on the seat that faced away from the afternoon sun shining in (Sebastian would have to squint; Ciel wouldn’t have that today), doubts came over him. _What if Sebastian did turn out to be a crazy perverted serial killer after all? No; no need to worry if you don't follow him to any strange places. Is he even a good photographer? I don't know, maybe the pictures on his Instagram are just lucky shots. No, there were too many of those; he must have skill. What if he doesn't show up after all, though? Why is he still not here? What's the time? Ah, two minutes to four. What's the time now? Still two minutes. Now? One minute. Now?_

“You're Ciel, aren't you?” He felt a hand on his shoulder.

Ciel turned around and looked up. Light scatter blinded him for a split second, but when he did squint after all, the boy could focus on the dark figure in front of him. It was a tall young man with a backpack; tall and athletic, Ciel could tell from his posture, how the form of his body traced through his black slim-fit shirt, and the forearms that were uncovered below rolled-up sleeves. All black – ambitious choice in this heat, Ciel thought. His shirt might have been black, but the man’s hair was even blacker; Ciel didn’t know that hair could be so black that it gleamed. Perhaps it was just the scattered light, though. As he bent down to the younger one, strands of that glossy hair fell into his face and almost-but-not-quite hid the stranger’s jaw. Ciel could still tell that it was slim but masculine, that he had high cheeks, and was cleanly shaven; definitely no neckbeard. With a smirk, the man added, “You don’t look as young in real life.”

Ciel spoke with a shaky voice. “Se-sebastianmichaelisthirtyfive?”

“No need to be that formal, you can drop the -thirtyfive.”

Ciel moved his chair aside to stand up.

“Please, stay seated.” Sebastian passed Ciel to take a seat himself, leaving behind an elusive air of cinnamon and roses.

 _Noble simplicity, quiet grandeur._ Ciel had to think of the classicist movement’s motto that came on his final history test of the past term. Well-groomed, understatedly fashionable and handsome, Sebastian was nothing like what Ciel had expected. Safe to say, he didn’t look like what one would imagine a dangerous psycho killer to look like (though you never know), and he wouldn’t have to abduct anyone to have his sexual desires satisfied (or so Ciel assumed). So far, so good; Ciel’s level of fear subsided. It gave, however, space to a different kind of emotion – one he needed a few moments to place. It was an overwhelming feeling; he didn’t quite know where it came from, and he wanted it to go away. He had only just met that man. Feeling so strongly now was completely out of place. And yet he couldn’t help it. He knew exactly what he felt.

It was hatred.

Ciel Phantomhive hated Sebastian Michaelis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would appreciate it a lot if you told me what you think about this first chapter! It's not like anything I've ever written before, and I'm still working on getting adjusted to this style of writing after a very formal first person that I kept up for two years.
> 
> I hope you liked it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to ChromeHoplite for betaing this story for me again! You make this fandom a better place.

Ciel Phantomhive hated Sebastian Michaelis.

It made no sense. Sebastian's rude messages were a thing of the past. Ciel had brushed them off as a juvenile slip, and Sebastian had been polite ever since. If what that guy had said had been too much to excuse, Ciel wouldn't even have initiated this interview in the first place. Not being taken seriously was the burden of being a teenager, and while it did annoy Ciel, it took more to blow it with him. The boy had no good reason for his antipathy – it was the mere sight of Sebastian's face that had him raging.

His feelings were stupid. Ciel had to suppress them.

“Did you sting yourself with the cactus, or what's the matter?” Sebastian asked.

Ciel didn't notice that he was pulling a distraught face until Sebastian pointed it out. He shook the nonsense out of his head. “No, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy... sorry. Sebastian, without the thirty-five, yes.” He extended his hand across the table, careful not to hurt himself with the cactus after all. “Nice to meet you.” Sebastian took it. That felt terrible.

“Likewise. To be honest, I wasn't sure you'd turn up at all until I saw you. I was surprised you gave me another chance after all.” Sebastian smiled. It was an impersonal, distanced smile, but one with no ill intent.

 _See, Ciel, he's being nice. He's trying hard. You try too._ Ciel cleared his throat. “Well, I do want you to explain yourself and your motivations one more time. I still think you changed your mind rather suddenly. It’s easier to discuss this eye-to-eye, so I thought I should just talk to you in person.” He crossed his arms and leaned back. “So, what's the deal with you?”

Sebastian, too, crossed his arms and looked to the side. He needed a few seconds to collect his thoughts. “Well... life in London is expensive.”

Ciel raised his eyebrows. “Yes...?”

“And... I have a cat...”

“I had an inkling you might have one.”

“I do have a part-time job but it doesn't pay great, and I'm still a student. And I could fit another ten hours of work into my schedule.”

“Oh, so you _are_ still a student after all. You made it sound like you're oh-so grown up before you came down from your high horse.” Ciel had to be careful; he was starting to sound too hostile. He could see that Sebastian was on the brink of getting annoyed too, and that was something Ciel couldn't allow to happen. He was still desperate, after all. The boy sighed. “What are you studying, and what’s the deal with your job?”

“I'm actually studying photography; I'll get my Bachelor's degree next year if everything goes according to plan. Before I decided I wanted to take the academic route, I'd already worked in a photo studio for a few years, and I still work the same job at the same studio that I worked at back then, only now it's twenty hours instead of forty. Originally, I would’ve had a summer job starting this week, but I was notified just a few days prior that this place wouldn’t be able to afford another employee after all, but that job would’ve been over by fall anyway, and I need another job all year round.”

“So why don't you just ask for more hours at that photo job?” Ciel had a vague idea why. He had probably struck a nerve with one of his messages.

“Let's order first, the waiter's coming.”

Indeed, he was. Sebastian ordered a black coffee; Ciel a giant matcha and vanilla ice cream sundae. When the waiter left, Ciel had to remind Sebastian to explain.

Sebastian averted his eyes. “I could ask for more hours but...” He clearly didn't want to say it, but Ciel would leave him no other choice anyway, and that he seemed to know. “I started to study photography to get away from that job in the first place.”

Hah! “You _are_ one of those guys that takes passport photos for a living, aren't you?”

Sebastian frowned. “That's the all but glamorous reality of being your typical photographer, yes.”

Ciel had to try hard not to chuckle. He'd known it all along. He couldn't show it, but he'd known it all along.

Sebastian continued. “I looked through your Instagram. Most of it is pictures in the style of street snaps and a few detail shots here or there, and that's definitely more interesting than taking studio portraits in front of a sterile background twenty-four seven.”

That explanation more than pleased Ciel. Not only did it mean that Sebastian knew what he was doing, but he had very good reasons to reach out to Ciel too. He was just as desperate as Ciel, if not more. The boy continued, “I take it that you know now what it is that _I'm_ doing to earn money?”

“I'm not entirely sure I understand everything, but from what I've gathered, I think you model products for all kinds of companies, and they pay you for that and for talking positively about their items. So you're a self-employed model slash testimonial of sorts, right?”

Ciel nodded. “Pretty much, yes. Though I try to always share my honest opinions on the products I agree to promote; that's a condition for me to accept sponsorship offers. Much of social media marketing requires maintaining a very fake façade, but _influencers_ can influence because they feel authentic to their audience, and it's best to actually be as authentic as possible, in my opinion. I’m trying to fake as much as necessary, but as little as possible.” He halted in his explanation. This was as far as people usually bothered to listen to his explanations on what he was doing.

Sebastian, however, wasn’t bored. Much rather, he was confused. “So people just follow you to see one advertisement after another?”

Sebastian had it wrong but his willingness to understand positively surprised Ciel. Then again, this was a job interview, and Sebastian had to understand the work he would have to produce for his boss. “By far not everything I post about is sponsored, no. The majority of my content is just about me, my outfits and my lifestyle. Well, what I wanna show of it. That's what people follow me for, and what they stay for. I don't earn any money with that kind of content, but it's how I grow my audience. And my audience is what attracts PR partners.” Ciel checked if Sebastian was still listening; indeed, the latter still seemed to be paying attention. “I have to post practically daily because the typical follower's attention span isn't very high and they tend to forget about you pretty easily unless they see you all the time. I also need to vary my content; can't always post similar outfits and similarly layouted shots or people get bored, but my feed still has to look cohesive. And let’s not even talk about the networking; all of this leads nowhere if I don’t actively engage with my audience, or if I don’t engage with other content creators everyday too.”

Sebastian sighed. “That sounds troublesome. Don't you ever get tired of it?”

“Well, now you get the point you were too ignorant to acknowledge. But that's how I make my money.”

“Ah... yes.” Sebastian swallowed.

The conversation was interrupted by the waiter bringing their orders. Ciel welcomed the break because it gave him a chance to reflect. His annoyance at Sebastian's sight had mostly ebbed away. _Thank god_ , he thought. This wouldn't work if Ciel couldn't even bear the other's presence.

Ciel folded his hands over the table and leant forward. “What I still don't understand is how you changed your mind so suddenly. I'm still not entirely convinced you're not a serial killer.”

“Remember my cat?”

How could Ciel ever forget that cat.

“The morning after you wrote me for the first time, I went groceries shopping, and as I was standing between the aisles of the Tesco around the corner of my flat, I realised I should look for the nearest Aldi instead, because that would save me a few quid, and then I realised that even if I did that, I would probably have to decide _again_ between eating and feeding my cat by the end of the month, and I can guarantee you I’d choose my cat again, and that's when I knew that my flatmate had been right to scold me for turning you down when I was in so much need of a second job.”

Suddenly, Ciel felt a little bad for asking Sebastian to meet him at a place where he'd end up spending money _again_. On the other hand, it was funny. Being the wealthy one here, the boy found himself in a place of power. Ciel would pay the whole bill himself; to him, Sebastian’s coffee was nothing, after all. “I take it you'd be willing to start working anytime?”

Sebastian looked down at his backpack. “I brought my camera since we agreed you'd test my abilities first. But I won't say anything before I know what exactly you want, and before we've settled on our conditions. How often and how long exactly do you need my service, and how far in advance will you tell me? My schedule is flexible, especially during holidays, but I do also have a life, you know. And you mentioned something about business trips. I don't understand that part.”

“I shoot multiple outfits at a time. Otherwise, I couldn’t keep up with my post schedule. Ideally, I'd like to meet twice a week, though once is also okay if that doesn't always work out. I can fill in with the editing occasionally, but I'll have to depend on phone apps, so I'd rather you do that. You _do_ know your way around photo editing, don't you?”

“What kind of professional would I be if I couldn't even do that? That being said, we need to discuss my wage. While seven-hundred Pounds is a lot of money for a seventeen-year-old to spend per month, I still have my expenses that don’t care about how old you are, and I can’t work for less than what I’m worth. Outdoor photo sessions usually pay much more than that. My boss asks for about five-thousand for weddings, for example.”

“Five…” Ciel’s mouth dried out all of a sudden. _No, stay cool, Ciel, stay cool. This is a job interview; of course he’d haggle with the wage._ He’d be stupid not to. “That’s… but you’re not your boss for a reason.” Oops, that was a bit mean, probably. “I mean… I mean, you’re still young, and I’m sure your boss didn’t start out like that either, and most importantly, I’m offering you a steady income, which weddings certainly aren’t. If they were, you’d be shooting weddings now and not haggling with a seventeen-year-old. And I’m pretty sure that a day at a wedding not only takes much longer than a few shots of me posing in front of whatever landmark I want for that day, but also leaves you with much more editing and organisational work.”

Sebastian tilted his head. “And you’d be right with that assumption but my point is that I won’t undersell myself. I’m not asking for anything crazy. Nine-hundred and we have a deal.”

Ciel clenched his jaw. Seven-hundred hurt him already; he was earning well for someone his age, but with an account of his size, he didn’t make _that_ much yet. However, his income would go down to zero if he didn’t find a new photographer soon. “Eight-hundred. Not a penny more. That’s a lot of money, especially considering that you probably won’t even work ten hours a week.” _He better be worth his money._

Sebastian smiled his impersonal smile. “Alright, that I can live with.”

Ciel sighed. “But that’s final. I’ll have my lawyer draft an employment contract for you with the conditions that we discuss today, and you can sign it and we have a deal, or you don’t and it’s over.”

Sebastian almost spat out his coffee. “You have your own lawyer?!”

Ciel cleared his throat. “Well… he’s my father; he’s a commercial lawyer.”

Sebastian chuckled. “Ah, _of course .”_

“What’s that supposed to mean? His work is not of any less value when he’s doing it for his son, and of course I will make use of my resources if I can. I don’t need to waste money on hiring anyone else to be professional.”

“That’s _obviously_ not what I meant. I live in a world where people don’t have lawyers of their own; I’m pretty sure my boss doesn’t have a lawyer who helps her with her contracts either, for example. But that’s apparently not the world you’re living in, judging by how nonchalantly you’re going on about it, _Posh Boy_.”

Ciel pressed his lips together. He’d been very immature just now. He hated being immature.

“But what about the business trips, _Posh Boy_ _?”_

“Stop calling me _Posh Boy,”_ Ciel snorted.

Sebastian chuckled. “Okay, then what about the business trips, _Boy?”_

Ciel crossed his arms again. “This is something that isn’t set in stone, and it depends on how easily I’ll be able to stand your presence. But the plan is that I’ll extend my content to travel blogging, now that I’m about to be of legal age. As I said, your accommodation will be paid for. I can’t pay you hourly overtime in such instances but I’d suggest we’ll discuss fair payment solutions for these cases when the demand comes up.”

Sebastian smiled. “Wonderful, free holidays.”

“Certainly not. They would be very short trips, and we’d have to fit many more activities into a day than normal tourists would. And no sleeping in; the best photos of touristy places are taken before tourists crowd the sights.”

“That still sounds like free holidays to me.”

Ciel tilted his head. “Well, I guess there are worse ways to earn money.” Sebastian was alright, he thought. A bit cheeky perhaps, but alright. Ciel could deal with cheeky. “Before we consider going abroad, we can test this out in the UK, even before I’m eighteen. I could use you as my guardian, so I can check into hotels despite being a minor.

Sebastian smirked. “Will I be paid extra for my babysitting services?”

Ciel wanted to throw the cactus in his face. “How about I don’t fire you before I even hire you instead.”

“Good enough for me.” Sebastian took a sip from his coffee again.

Ciel mirrored the gesture by dipping his spoon deep into his ice cream, which was still a lot, even though he'd eaten plenty already. “So, what do you think?” He put the spoon in his mouth.

“That's almost too good to be true. It'll probably turn out to be more work than it sounds, right?”

“That’s up to what you imagine this job to be; I’m completely transparent with you. Of course, I demand a certain quality of work from you, and if you can’t provide that, I can’t continue working with you.”

Sebastian nodded a few times. “That'd work for me. I've got plenty of time during summer myself, and when you go back to school, you'll need to depend on holidays and bank holiday weekends too, won't you?”

The boy nodded. “Exactly.“

Ciel didn't hate Sebastian anymore; the conversation had been going very smoothly. Sebastian being broke worked wonders for Ciel too. He could've probably asked for pretty much anything. He would use that for leverage.

He continued. “There's one more demand I'll have to make.”

“Yes?”

“Fix your Instagram.”

All colour vanished from Sebastian’s face. “I beg your pardon?”

“You need to fix your Instagram. It's 2018, you call yourself a professional photographer, and you're supposedly a millennial. I don't understand how, despite the odds, you don't get that the future of photography is the internet. No, sorry, the _present_ of photography.”

“My Instagram is personal and it's supposed to stay that way. The only reason I downloaded that app was to keep up with my grandmother, and that my grandmother could keep up with me.”

“Your grandmother?”

Sebastian looked very serious. “Yes, my grandmother. I don't get to see her often, and she and her book club friends are very interested in Mephisto.”

“Who's Mephisto?”

“My cat.”

“Isn't Mephisto supposed to be a poodle?”

“Poodles are ugly. Cats can be Mephisto too.”

“I don't care! Cut it out. If I hire you, your profile needs to look professional too. You need to delete the cat photos.”

“I will _never_ delete the cat photos.”

“Great, then that's it. Thanks for your time, I'll have to look for someone else, I can't work with you. It was nice to meet you.” Ciel raised his hand to get the waiter’s attention.

“Wait! Wait.” Sebastian swallowed. “I guess I can clean it up, if you insist.”

Ciel had gambled, and it worked. Sebastian was this desperate after all. “You'll profit from it on the long term, believe me. Who knows; with my help, you might be able to accumulate a few more clients soon. You need to utilise your Instagram as your online portfolio.”

“I do have a website already,” Sebastian objected.

“But how are people supposed to find that website? You need to promote it.”

Sebastian sighed. “Okay, okay, I get it. I'll have to tell Granny that there won't be any Mephisto photos on my Instagram anymore.”

“You can still post them to your Stories if they're so important to you.”

Sebastian tilted his head in defeat. “Granny is interested in my work too; I suppose it’ll be fine.”

Ciel was pleased. “Wonderful. I'd advise you to make your feed cohesive, and pass on the sterile product photography too. I can help you with choosing what to post and what not if you want.”

“We'll see. For now, I need to get used to the idea first.” Oh, how Sebastian frowned.

“But now, show me what you’ve got.” Ciel gestured sloppily towards Sebastian’s backpack.

“Ah, yes.” Sebastian bent down to rummage around in his backpack. He took out a giant camera and a lens, and assembled them. “Give me a second, I need to adjust the settings.”

“Mhm.” Ciel leaned onto his hand and poked the sundae in front of his nose with his spoon. It was way too much for him, even though he had a gigantic stomach for sweets. But that was a loss he didn't really care about right now. If Sebastian proved not to be a complete failure now, Ciel had just found his new photographer.

“There you go, what do you think?” Sebastian turned the camera display to Ciel. “Not a fashion shot, but we'll get to that.”

Without Ciel's noticing, Sebastian had already taken a photo of him. Ciel leaning on his hand, dreaming of all the sweets in the world, or so it looked. The boy recognised the candidness that Sebastian's other portraits shared. If he hadn't been at the scene himself, he would've assumed that model and photographer had known each other for a long time, since for a shot that intimate, photographer and model had to be close, hadn’t they? All of a sudden, those feelings Ciel so desperately wanted to suppress turned up again. For no reason.

“It's... it's very good,” Ciel stuttered. “How did you set your camera so quickly?” Lizzy always needed a minute or two to get ready.

“I lied; I saw to my settings before I greeted you, I just wanted to have you distracted. It worked out well.” Sebastian smiled.

 _Don't smile at me like that._ Ciel looked at the photo one more time. He loved it. Ugh.

“You're pretty and easy to photograph.”

“Uh, th-thanks...?” Ciel didn't usually struggle with compliments, much less with ones as simple as _you're pretty,_ and yet this one abashed him. He wasn't sure if it was being called attractive, or the unusual word choice. _Cute,_ he was used to. _Handsome_ usually came from girls younger than him. _Pretty,_ though, he'd rarely been called. It wasn't a typical thing to call boys. _But screw it, boys can be pretty too, and I guess I am pretty,_ Ciel thought.

 

* * *

 

The photos that Sebastian had taken more than pleased Ciel. Posing for Sebastian was easy, and they were done in no time. The two parted in agreement. Ciel would email Sebastian the contract and transfer an advance onto his bank account - payment for that day’s photos, but also to keep the young man from starving. Ciel wasn’t interested in having to look for yet another photographer just because the new one bit the dust.

Lizzy’s golden curls bounced into Ciel’s face when the girl jump-tackled her cousin in an ambush from behind the entrance door of his home. “Ciel! I’ve been waiting forever for you. I think I might’ve started to annoy your parents, but waiting alone in your room was too boring to bear. Tell me everything!”

The golden tornado took Ciel upstairs, into the safe harbour that was the boy’s bedroom. Ciel let himself fall onto the bed, face straight ahead. Lizzy sat down next to him.

“Oh, don’t tell me he was that bad!”

“No, he was fine, pretty skilled,” Ciel mumbled into his pillow.

“But he was mean to you?”

“No…”

Now she was confused. “Are you sick, then?”

“No, that’s not it.”

“Come on, tell me what’s the matter with you!”

Ciel turned onto his cheek to look at his cousin. “I hate him. Lizzy, I fucking hate him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might have guessed, the picture that Sebastian took without Ciel noticing is the one Ciel posted. EDIT: MY BLOG FELL VICTIM TO TUMBLR PURGE. I need to resubmit my art, I'll fix the links as soon as the new posts are up.  
> [Ciel's newest post](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bngd4Odh-Oh/?taken-by=starryskiesmesmerise)  
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Ciel's Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starryskiesmesmerise/)  
> [Sebastian's Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/smichaelis.photography/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, sorry! I've been very busy with uni. It's probably gonna take a while again until the next update too.
> 
> I hope this chapter isn't too full of mistakes - it wasn't beta read. Feel free to point them out so I can fix them!

There was no greater source of relief than Ciel’s bed. Nowhere could he find as much comfort as within his personal fortress, these four walls decorated with shelves bursting of colourful books and toys (or collectibles, as he preferred to dub them), with a TV that was mostly used for playing video games, a box next to his bed with items he had been paid to promote that he didn’t know where to put, one too many clothes that could still be worn but didn’t belong with the clean laundry anymore on a little clothes rack, on an office chair, and on hangers on his cupboard doors, and the starry sky above. The glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling had been illuminating his nights ever since that period in primary school when Ciel cried so much. He had insisted on putting them there himself, from the top of the ladder that dad held and mum stumbled around, prepared to catch her son if he fell. Ciel wanted to personally see to it that the Gemini and Big Dipper looked right (the only constellations he could ever recognise - the former because every year on his birthday, a meteor shower would rain down from its proximity, and the latter because everyone knew the Big Dipper). Falling asleep then wasn’t always easy for him, but it was much easier with the stars watching over him.

The shutters shielded the room from the worst heat outside, and although his glow-in-the-dark stickers didn’t shine in the afternoon, Ciel felt safe. The pillow under his cheek faintly smelled of home, of being comfortable; it would’ve lulled him to sleep if it hadn’t been for his visitor. The boy rolled onto his back to look at his cousin, who was hugging the one toy left in his room that wasn’t a _collectible;_ a toy that he had owned for as long as he could think. _Bitter Rabbit,_ as he called him, wore a blue jacket and an eyepatch. Of course, Ciel knew now that the famous character’s name was _Peter_ and not _Bitter,_ but it took learning to read the many adventures of Beatrix Potter’s little boy rabbit to convince him of his mistake. His own stuffed rabbit (whose right eye had come off years ago from too much cuddling and was substituted by Lizzy with the crooked eyepatch at one point) would always be _Bitter Rabbit,_ though.

Lizzy liked to hug him whenever she sat on Ciel’s bed, as she did now.

Ciel groaned. “I hate him. Lizzy, I fucking hate him.”

The girl stared at her cousin, mouth open.

“I don't know how I'm supposed to stand him.”

“So Sebastian was mean to you after all?”

“No, he really wasn't. A bit impudent maybe, but not really rude.”

“Oh, Ciel! You can't be picky. If he's a neckbeard, you'll have to get over it. As long as he's a nice neckbeard who respects women.”

“No, that's not it, either.”

“Oh, come on! Do I need to drag everything out of you? Tell me more about him, what is it that you hate?”

Ciel grabbed another pillow and hugged it like Lizzy hugged Bitter Rabbit. “Hell, if I knew. He looks good, he _smells_ good, but his voice is so low in a weird way that it sends the worst shivers down my spine, and I felt like I needed to wash myself when he touched my shoulder or shook my hand. I thought I'd puke when he looked at me for too long.”

Lizzy stared at Ciel. “That sounds... bad. And weird. But despite that, you pulled through with the interview?”

“It wasn't that bad all the time. I hated him when I first saw him, then didn't hate him anymore when we discussed our conditions, but I hated him again when he took my pictures.”

“Which you liked.”

“Which I liked.”

Little cog wheels turned behind Lizzy‘s narrowed eyes. Every few seconds, she hummed a _hmm_ through thin lips. Ciel just closed his eyes and surrendered to his own thoughts, though those revolved more around self-pity than problem solution.

“So the gist of it is that you feel uncomfortable around him, isn’t it?” Lizzy concluded.

“Yeah…”

“Hmm.” She fixated Ciel. “What if I join you two next time? That way, you won’t be alone with him and I can maybe get an impression of why you’re just not clicking with him. You can tell him I’m curious about his pro work as an amateur photographer. What do you think?”

“Are you sure you can make time for that? I don’t wanna bother you, I’ve done that for way too long already.”

“You’re not bothering me at all! And it’s not like I have _that_ much to do anyway. Plus, I’m really curious, I really wanna get my own impression of Sebastian. I need to know whether I can leave my precious baby cousin in his hands!”

Her support would be invaluable. Ciel couldn’t hold back a relieved smile. What would he be without Lizzy helping him fight his battles, he didn’t know. Ciel would have to learn that soon, but for now, his cousin would help him pave the way to doing it by himself. Ciel noted to himself to tell Lizzy more often how much he appreciated her, although he wouldn’t do it immediately. He probably wouldn’t do it later, either, but he hoped she knew it anyway.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian's first official assignment was a trip of sorts already. The group of three met at Victoria station on a Monday, early in the morning, to commute to Mayfield Lavender Farm. The lavender field had been on Ciel's bucket list of places to take pictures at for a while, and what better time to do it than now.

Ciel had dressed for the occasion. Yellow wasn't his colour, and he only owned a single yellow t-shirt, but in contrast to the blooming lavender, it was perfect. His black sun hat and shorts made him look more like a bee than he had intended, but that only added to the lavender motive. Lizzy had made a similar choice with her mustard sundress; Sebastian, however, arrived at their meeting point in pitch black again. Long trousers too.

“Aren't you gonna be hot in that?” Ciel asked, eyeing Sebastian's attire, mouth stuffed with a breakfast muffin, McDonald's paper bag in his free hand.

Sebastian merely tugged on his shirt sleeve a little and nodded at the paper bag in Ciel's hand. “Isn't it a little early for McDonald's?”

Ciel shrugged. “It's breakfast.”

Sebastian cringed at the McMuffin, then turned to Lizzy, who was holding her fists to her chest, eyes aglow. She was dying to be introduced. Since Ciel didn't have the manners to do it, Sebastian took initiative himself. “You're Elizabeth, aren't you? Nice to meet you.” He reached out to shake her hand.

She took Sebastian's hand in both of hers and shook it with her whole body. “Call me Lizzy! I've seen your photos of Ciel, they're gorgeous! I can't wait to see what you two will come up with today. Are you excited for your Instagram overhaul too?”

Sebastian looked at Ciel, who was smirking into his McMuffin. He let out a deep sigh. “So I have no other choice, do I?”

“Nope,” Ciel replied.

No choice at all. As soon as the three boarded the train, the two teenagers cornered the young adult and appropriated his phone. Crammed together on just two seats, Sebastian, pressed against the window, could only watch how Lizzy, on the outer side, and Ciel, sandwiched in between, scrolled through his feed to delete one cat picture after another.

Sebastian cried inside; the younger boy, on the other hand, was delighted. Lizzy being there worked wonders for his comfort; he might've been having his fun with torturing Sebastian a bit, but he had no real ill feelings for his new employee right now – he didn't even mind Sebastian's trapped arm around his waist, just worried a little that the sudden pressure that he and Lizzy inflicted on it might disrupt its blood circulation, but the grown man was capable of saying something if it got too bad.

Ciel being the one with the phone in his hands, he was busy for well over half an hour just deleting cat photos.

He even felt a little sympathy for Sebastian – from the many photos of Mephisto nuzzling against her owner, he could tell that as much as Sebastian loved her, she loved him back. Ciel didn’t care about cats; got annoyed even when people sent him _‘funny’_ cat videos, but this honest affection between pet and owner was sort of cute. The sympathy faded away, however, as making the same movements with his thumb over and over again became tedious. Sebastian had also lost interest in watching the process, and instead had closed his eyes, mind somewhere far away. The app, too, seemed to grow tired, as it froze mid-way through the deletion process, and Ciel had to force-quit it.

An unexpected wake-up call was the discovery of two notorious hookup apps right next to the Instagram icon. With a circle of acquaintances mostly consisting of classmates below eighteen years of age and married middle-aged relatives, Sebastian must’ve been the first person he knew that had any such thing on their phone. _Not a big deal,_ he told himself, _that’s very normal for someone his age,_ though Ciel did have to admit to himself that he was relieved to find his eighteen-year-old cousin about as bewildered as he was. The excitement was quickly forgotten, however, as they worked through the rest of the photos.

Ciel’s big moan of relief signalled the completion of the process. “All done, finally. If you promise to take proper photos of her, you can keep sharing your cat on your feed. But none of what you had.”

Sebastian lolled on his hand. “I don't know. I've come to peace with this goodbye. It’s okay.”

“We need to do something about your name too. _Sebastianmichaelis35_ is too generic. Everything with a number is too generic. You need to show that you're one of a kind, and if you're number thirty-five, that sounds like there are at least thirty-four others like you.”

“Mhm.” As if Sebastian cared.

“Photographers on Instagram usually go by their real name, so that part is fine, but we really need to do something about the thirty-five. I can’t believe you had to put a thirty-five behind your name; Michaelis isn’t a particularly common surname, I'm surprised there’s at least one other _Sebastian_ Michaelis on Instagram. Something with _photography_ in the name? No... _sebastianmichaelisphotography_ is too long. _Smphotography_ sounds too kinky... how about just _smichaelis?_ Crap, that’s taken. And all of its variations. I can’t believe your name is this common.”

“...”

“What about _smichaelis.photography?”_

“Hmph.”

“More enthusiasm!”

“ _Yessir!”_

“Okay then, that's it. You're _smichaelis.photography_ now.”

Lizzy giggled; both young men looked at her questioningly but she just brushed it off. Since the profile was finally fixed and there was nothing left to observe on the screen, she moved to one of the opposite seats, and Sebastian and Ciel stretched out on theirs.

Ciel returned the phone _._ “Now all that's left is a profile picture, and you should specify the camera you're using next to the camera emoji I put in your bio.”

“Canon EOS-1D X,” Sebastian pronounced what he typed. He inspected what the two teenagers had turned his account into. “I’ll admit, this looks really neat now, except for one thing... are the emoji in the description really necessary? Don't you think they clash a bit with my serious body of work?”

“Trust me, it's better this way. They're visual anchors and draw random visitors' attention to your bio. Nobody on social media likes text. People are dumb. Think of the emoji as pictograms for illiterates.”

“In that case, I'll go ahead and add one more crucial piece of information with emoji.”

 _Crucial piece of information?_ Ciel waited for Sebastian to finish, then checked the updated bio. A cat emoji and the name Mephistopheles. Sebastian smirked at him. What an idiot.

“As for your profile picture–” An announcement interrupted Ciel. The train would soon arrive at Purley, where the three would change to a bus. “...we need to have a serious talk about that later.”

Sebastian hoped for clarification from Lizzy; she just shrugged.

The unlikely trio were the first guests that morning to set foot between countless rows of flowers that extended to the horizon and perhaps beyond. If it had not been for a couple of trees far, far away, one might have thought that from here, the rest of the world was clad in lavender. A gust of perfume saturated Ciel’s lungs with purple. It was so much, the boy wasn’t sure he could take it for more than ten minutes, but this first flush of fragrance would remain the only strong one. Better start shooting immediately – hardly any people were roaming the field so far, which meant less ugly passer-bys to edit out of the pictures.

Knowing that Lizzy would be around, Sebastian had brought a reflector for her to hold. The girl was excited to be involved in the work this way; she had never used one before, it made her feel very professional, and it was much more fun being around when she could actually do something and not just watch.

While Sebastian was busy setting up his camera, Lizzy went over to Ciel, who was making himself familiar with the scenery, and how best to pose.

“I think Sebastian's nice,” she whispered. “Don't you think so?”

“He's okay, I guess. I don't hate him as much today.” Ciel looked at his reflection in the phone screen to adjust the position of his hat.

“He has good manners too. Did you notice how he always lets us go first? And he took my hand to help me out of the train because the last step was so steep. You never do that.”

Ciel hadn't noticed. “But you don't need any help, you're the most athletic person I know.”

“Of course, but he doesn't, and it was a nice gesture.”

Sebastian called over from a few yards away. “Are you guys ready?”

“Just a second,” Lizzy replied. She fetched a pair of sunglasses from her purse and put them on Ciel's nose. “Here you go, shades to go with your t-shirt.

Ciel couldn't look as fast as his view turned yellow. “Are these your round ones?”

Lizzy grinned. “Yes! They suit you so well, you adorable bumble bee.”

Ciel just sighed, but didn’t take them off. Now his costume was complete.

She stepped back and held the reflector up high, like instructed by Sebastian. Ciel posed and Sebastian took a few shots, then stopped.

“Ciel, can you tuck your t-shirt in a little on your left side?”

Ciel did as commanded. “Like this?”

“A little more.”

Ciel pushed more of his shirt beneath his waistband. “This okay?”

“No… wait.” Sebastian hung the camera across his body and rushed over. “Let me do it.” He secured Ciel's hips with one hand while fumbling with the shirt on the other side. “Like this.”

Ciel winced. Once again, the anger returned. _Did Sebastian_ ** _have_** _to touch him all the time?_ The taller man looked up from the t-shirt and at Ciel. _Was that a grin?_ Ciel froze in place. All of a sudden, he was rigid, didn't know where to put his hands, and stared at the camera like a fawn facing a rifle. Lizzy noticed, Sebastian too. Ciel tried to shake it off; he knew that he was acting like an idiot, that even if Sebastian deliberately unsettled him, he was overreacting, but he was unable calm down. Lizzy pulling silly faces didn't help him, neither did three jumps.

Sebastian didn’t quite know what was wrong, but realised that they would get nowhere like this. He walked over to Lizzy and gave her his camera to hold, wanted to say something to Ciel, but didn't. He looked at the girl instead when he announced that he'd go to the souvenir shop to get something.

Lizzy dropped the reflector in the lavender bushes and came close. “What's the matter all of a sudden? You look like you saw a ghost.“

“It's back. I'm so angry at him. He didn't do anything, and I'm angry again. He just fumbled with my t-shirt but that made me feel like throwing up.” Ciel put his palm on his forehead. “I don't even know what my problem is, I swear. I wish I could calm down, but I can't. I just hate him.”

Lizzy frowned. “Do you... how should I put it... do you really hate Sebastian, or do you just hate it when he‘s too close?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know... When you can't stand someone, you're either just ice cold, or you crush them to pieces. But with Sebastian, you're playfully sarcastic and you tease him, that's what you do with people you _like_. That's your way of being friendly. But I could see how he unsettled you just by coming closer.”

“It was his touch. That he had to fumble with my t-shirt instead of letting me fix it, and the unnecessary hand on my hip.”

“And last time, it was also his touch, and the way he looked at you, and that you felt exposed by his portrait of you, wasn't it?”

Ciel looked down and said nothing.

“Can you see the pattern?”

“Yes, but... I don't know what it's supposed to tell me.”

Lizzy frowned, then forced a smile. “I'm here, okay? Remember that I'm here.”

As Ciel looked up again, he saw Sebastian approach with a bunch of lavender in his hand. The boy was relieved to realise he wasn't as upset anymore.

“I bought these to hold onto while we're shooting,” Sebastian explained, “It's easier to pose with a prop to keep your hands occupied, and they look good against your t-shirt.”

Ciel took the bunch with both hands. He just stared at Sebastian. The young man wasn't smiling, but he didn't look angry either, nor annoyed. Just confused, and maybe concerned? The cut lavender did wonders for Ciel, though. He clutched it, took a deep breath, and suddenly, he felt better. “Thanks.”

Sebastian left out a little sigh. With Ciel’s tension, his own went too – a tension he hadn’t even noticed before. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to have them back after we’re done here. I wanted to get some lavender anyway.”

Ciel nodded. Everyone went back to their positions: Lizzy held the reflector up high, Sebastian aimed his camera at Ciel, who was trying out different positions with the flowers in his arms, and after a while, all struggle was forgotten. The t-shirt didn’t matter anymore, neither did Sebastian’s touch, and in the end, Ciel enjoyed shooting, as did the other two.

The three were about to finish just when the field started to get crowded. There was one more crucial topic to discuss, but the train was as good a place as any to do that.

Lizzy was excited to be allowed to play around with Sebastian's camera during the train ride; she had never held a pro-level DSLR in her hands. She eyed the camera cautiously, peeked through the viewfinder at Sebastian, but didn't press the release button just yet.“Wasn't this thing super expensive?”

“Normally it would’ve been, but I bought it for a very good price from my boss, who upgraded to a newer model. Otherwise I couldn't have afforded it.” Sebastian struck a pose for the camera; Lizzy released. “Speaking of bosses,” he turned to Ciel, “So, what’s the matter with my profile picture?

Ciel, who was crouching in his seat opposite of Sebastian, straightened his back. “Ah, yes. There's a really important decision that you'll have to face, it can make or break your Instagram experience.”

Sebastian did not care to mask the doubt about the severity of a profile picture.

“You'll have to decide between a self portrait or a different kind of photo that can represent your body of work. But this decision can have a huge impact.” Ciel looked over at Lizzy to see if she had caught onto what he was talking about; she, however, didn't seem to listen, and instead kept fiddling with Sebastian's giant camera. Ciel turned back to Sebastian. “There's this thing called _Boyfriends of Instagram._ Fashion bloggers have the reputation that their pictures are being taken by their partners, and since that's especially true for female Instagrammers, the term _Boyfriends of Instagram_ was coined.”

Lizzy did look up now.

Ciel continued. “There have always been people who thought that Lizzy is my girlfriend for that reason.”

The girl chimed in. “I mean, it doesn’t help that it’s clear that we spend a lot of time together, you know? My boyfriend even got so jealous that he’s now my ex-boyfriend, and he knows that we’re family.”

“That's true, but I think people would've assumed that either way.”

Sebastian shrugged. “So I need to expect a few people to think that I'm your boyfriend if I continue to take photos of you. There are worse things that can happen to someone on the internet.”

“Indeed there are.” Ciel's mien darkened. “Indeed there are... and that's the point I'm trying to make. Listen, what I'm about to tell you has the potential to boost both your popularity and mine, but at a terrible price...”

That sounded like fun to Sebastian.

Ciel gulped. “You're sort of handsome, and I am too. We're two guys, and that gives people ideas. I know for a fact that people will not only think that we're a couple; they'll _ship_ us. I've seen it happen to others before.”

“Ship? You mean, as in...”

“As in, if we've got real bad luck, there might pop up shitty edits of us making out, or fanfic where I'll impregnate you, or fanart that will get your penis size all wrong.”

Lizzy's jaw dropped; Sebastian snorted.

“Did you really say that out loud just now...” The girl petrified.

Sebastian suppressed another laugh. “Don't you think that's a bit much? I mean, you have a pretty large following for a normal teenager, but you're not a celebrity.”

Sebastian's inability to understand the graveness of the situation upset Ciel. “You don't get it, people already draw me quite often as is, it's not that far-fetched that something like this would happen too. I mean, not all of that, and not all the time, but it's perfectly possible that it might happen sooner or later if you show your face.”

Sebastian leaned forward with a smirk. “You know what, I'm actually curious what people think my penis looks like, and I'm sure we'd have pretty children.”

All of a sudden, it was too much again. Ciel tensed. _Why would he say something like that? How gross._ The boy scratched his forearm; bright red marks remained on his skin. It didn't even itch, but he couldn't not scratch.

“Ciel, I'm not feeling well, could you come to the toilet with me for a moment?” Lizzy shot up, returned Sebastian's camera and pulled Ciel out of his seat and with her. The boy had no chance to struggle; she dragged him right to the end of the waggon, and all that Ciel could do was try not to trip over his own feet.

“Lizzy! What the hell?!”

“I could ask you the same question! Here I am, worrying about you, and you go and dig your own grave!”

“Dig my own grave? Who knew that he'd say something like that! That was completely inappropriate!”

“ _You're_ the one that was being inappropriate! Telling Sebastian that there might be people that want you two to be together is one thing, but _the way_ you put it, how was he supposed to react? That was a provocation and he could only play along, or get offended, like you did.”

Ciel had nothing to say.

Lizzy dropped her shoulders. “Listen, Ciel, I don't know how to say this the right way but I think there might still be a lot you have to work out for yourself. Maybe now more so than ever.”

Ciel frowned. “There’s nothing I have to work out for myself; neither now, nor any other time.”

Lizzy huffed. “Then how do you explain yourself?” The older she grew, the more Lizzy sounded like Aunt Francis – intimidating.

“...”

“Let me say just this: One of the first things you pointed out about Sebastian was his smell. Who says that about someone they can't stand? I don't even say that about people I instantly like when I meet them for the first time. It took me about a year to notice that I loved Sullivan's fragrance.”

“So what? It's–“

Out of nowhere, Sebastian turned up. “I hate to interrupt your bickering but the ticket inspector is coming and Ciel has my ticket. And our bags are unattended on our seats as we're speaking.”

Ciel almost jumped in shock. “Did-did you just listen in on us?!”

“All I heard was something about _Sullivan's fragrance_.” Sebastian reached out for Ciel’s left temple. “Ah, you have a–”

Ciel flinched.

Sebastian stopped before he could reach the boy. He let his hand drop. “–a dead bug in your hair. You might want to brush it out.”

Ciel ruffled the hair on his left side.

Sebastian stared at him.

“What? Gone?”

He put on a smile. “...Yes. Now, shall we?” Sebastian turned around and went back; Lizzy followed close behind, took Ciel's hand and pulled him with her.

Ciel gawked at Sebastian's back, then at Lizzy's, then back at Sebastian, then at Lizzy. That made him dizzy. One wrong movement, one shake of the train, and he would throw it all up: all of this irrational anger, this gross confusion, all the ugly things that filled Ciel to the brim. Sebastian had tried to touch him _again._ Just why couldn’t he keep his hands to himself? No, he… he did keep his hands to himself this time. Though Ciel wasn’t really sure whether he preferred the unsettled look that he got instead.

He sat down. It couldn't go on like this; Ciel had to pull himself together. “Sebastian… sorry for today. It seems I'm not at my best at the moment, and I acted like an idiot when we were shooting. I promise you won't have to deal with this in the future.” He handed everyone's tickets to the inspector.

Sebastian shook his head. “I don't mind, I'm here with you two today to earn some money. A few obstacles are to be expected when working with amateur models.”

Ciel frowned.

Sebastian put his earphones in and opened a music app, then took a lunchbox out of his backpack; the topic was over. There wasn't anything left to discuss, and he devoted himself entirely to the music and the treats in the box. An array of mini sandwiches, filled with last week’s leftovers. Throwing away food? The biggest waste, in Sebastian’s opinion. There was always something he could do with spare groceries, and it didn’t even demand much creativity of him – anyone could do it if they just wanted, he was sure. Well, maybe not at his level. Sebastian knew no greater joy than to indulge in the tasty results of his own cooking skills. Life was good.

To Ciel, however, it seemed not to be, as he still pouted out of the window a minute into the second song. Sebastian paused the music and took the earphones out. “I don't know what you two were arguing about, and it's none of my business, but I won't post any self portraits if you don’t want me to. I don't take that many anyway.”

Ciel sighed. Sebastian was being way too nice to him all of a sudden. That confused him again, and it made him hate Sebastian even more, but it also made him like Sebastian a little more. He'd get used to it somehow. He'd be alright.

“It's fine,” Ciel said. “You can pick whatever photo you want, of whatever you want. If people see that you're handsome, they're more likely to check your profile out. As I said, I'm used to people thinking Lizzy is my girlfriend; I'll get used to people thinking you're my boyfriend, too.”

Sebastian just nodded.

“It could really boost both of our follower bases, more so even if we appear in photos together, and that would mean more money for me.” What was he saying? Sebastian had offered an easy way out but Ciel was in the middle of declining it. “As long as you don't push it further by making weird suggestions online, I don't mind.”

“I’ll think about it.”

 

* * *

 

Ciel woke up early next morning. Early – in the summer, that meant before he was being called to lunch. Shutters down, the room was still comfortably cool. In the summer months, Ciel went to sleep with his windows open, and woke up completely isolated from the summer sun. Unlike his father, the boy’s mother didn’t mind him sleeping in on holidays, and snuck into his room every morning to shut the windows before the temperatures outside surpassed inside. When she did that, Ciel never knew – too deep was his sleep to ever notice his parent’s sneaky footsteps through his room.

Just like everyday, his phone screen wished him good morning with a flood of notifications. _You’re so cute; Your hair is always perfect; How do you always look so stylish;_ thank god these people didn’t see him reading their comments with swollen eyes in a washed-out abomination of a grey t-shirt, briefs down between his ankles, taking his sweet time on the toilet seat. _Hello, I’m Lucy from XYZ Business, you’re just what we’re looking for! Please check the link in our bio if you’re interested in collaborating!_ Rule number one, companies that promote their affiliate programmes on their profiles for everyone to apply are usually scams. _Ur so hot I wanna see u naked._ Rule number two, girls aren’t the only ones that get creepy messages from horny guys, and rule number three, block the creeps immediately. Speaking of creeps, there was a message from Sebastian in his inbox… Rule number four, don’t procrastinate on checking messages when the thought of reading them stresses you out – if you wait, it only gets worse.

He’d sent Ciel a picture. _»This will be my icon if the Young Master gives me his permission.«_

It was a self portrait, of course. Good. A smart marketing move. Being as conventionally attractive as Sebastian was, he would’ve been stupid not to take profit from his looks. What better way to establish the brand _Sebastian Michaelis_ than take his skills and use them on himself. Charcoal smoke grenades were an interesting stylistic device; their sinister appeal oddly flattered Sebastian.

 _»Fine by me.«_ Ciel liked the picture. He liked Sebastian’s photographic style. His fashion sense too.

Five minutes later, Ciel got another message from _smichaelis.photography_ , this time with a profile picture. It was a download link for the lavender field pictures. Sebastian had worked well into the night to edit them, and of course, they lived up to Ciel’s expectations. Diligence, speed, and skill, Sebastian had proven them all. Hiring him had been the right decision. He was a good partner to work with. Ciel would get used to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on, links to tumblr are working. You can find both of their photos for this chapter through the links below.  
> [Ciel's new photo on Tumblr](https://nighttime-tea-party.tumblr.com/post/180490448377/wanderlust-chapter-3-in-which-sebastian-is-being)  
> [Sebastian's new photo on Tumblr](https://nighttime-tea-party.tumblr.com/post/180521923902/we-need-to-do-something-about-your-name-too)
> 
> [Ciel's Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starryskiesmesmerise/)  
> [Sebastian's Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/smichaelis.photography/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter isn't too full of awkward sentences or word choices. It wasn't beta read and my first language isn't English, so please excuse me!
> 
> [Ciel's new photo on Tumblr](https://nighttime-tea-party.tumblr.com/post/182349031602/in-wanderlust-chapter-4-ciel-gets-paid-to-drink)   
>  [Ciel's Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/starryskiesmesmerise/)   
>  [Sebastian's Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/smichaelis.photography/)
> 
>  
> 
> I've decided that Sebastian will post somewhat independently from fic updates!

Ciel was a good boy.

As a baby, his mother would always tell him, he hardly cried. Of course, he'd raise his voice whenever he needed to – there aren't many ways for a baby to help itself when its diapers are full, after all. But Rachel Phantomhive never had to worry about bringing little Ciel to social gatherings, or the train, or anywhere else, because as soon as the problem was fixed, the baby boy was quiet again.

In preschool, it became clear that Ciel wasn't made for the great outdoors. Yes, it was partly due to his asthma that he couldn't enjoy running around as much as the other kids, but truth be told, he didn't miss it all that much. Staying inside with all his colourful toys and books was just fine as long as he had playmates to keep him company sometimes. He was a gentle child back then – never started any arguments, and instead of fighting, he much preferred asking for an adult's help when things got ugly.

Ciel learned quickly, studied eagerly, and always pleased his parents. He prided himself on reading books recommended for ten years and up when he was eight. He was the best in his class at fractions, liked being the teachers' pet, and yet he learned how to defend himself when he felt he was being treated unfairly. So when a teacher really did overstep a line, Ciel, despite his fear of losing the adults' favour, stood up against him for not only himself but many others in his class too. None of the other teachers liked him any less for that – Ciel had been in the right, after all.

He continued to be a good boy in secondary school. He grew out of his asthma, and although his family would've liked him to play outside more often, they had nothing to really complain about: His marks remained flawless and he always listened to his parents and teachers, even when the hard years of puberty hit. Instead of acting up and getting in trouble, Ciel was the kind of teenager that locked himself up in his room even more than he'd previously done. There was a year or two that more highly emotional music and black clothes were involved in than he liked to admit (he secretly referred to that time as the “dark ages” and didn't like to be reminded of it), but his parents didn't mind that – growing up was difficult, they knew a time like this would come, especially since his mother used to be the same way.

In more recent years, the blacks made way for colour in his wardrobe, which he documented online. He left the house on his own free will a little more often, still did great at school, and on the little occasions he drank, he did so in moderation (except for that one time he had no memories of other than breaking out in tears because of the realisation that blue cheese isn't actually blue, and then throwing up, because his friend Sullivan caught that on video and would never let him forget). His parents used to trust in Ciel's judgment. He'd always been a good boy.

So why did Vincent Phantomhive refuse to trust his son now?

Yes, Sebastian  _did_ send Ciel a new screenshot of his growing follower count every morning, and yes, when Ciel insisted that he didn't care, Sebastian  _did_ reply with a different picture of his cat's butt everyday. Was Sebastian an idiot? Yes, but his father didn't need to know. He was a harmless idiot, one that knew to keep the nonsense away from the public eye. Thanks to Ciel promoting him on his account, Sebastian grew a following of a few hundred in just a few days. People were curious about him, and without a doubt, his fortunate face structure helped with that, as proven by the like count on his self portrait being significantly higher than the other posts'. Had he protested about what had been done to his cat pictures only a week before, the pain now seemed all but forgotten. Instead, Sebastian thrived on the strangers' flattery he received. As expected, curiosity about the nature of his relationship to his newest model came up as well, but the crazy cat lady left no doubt that Mephisto was the only one that knew the way to his heart.

Sebastian was a bit strange but Ciel got used to it quickly. The weirdo delivered solid work, that was most important, and Ciel's discomfort around him ebbed away. There was still a bit of touching involved whenever Sebastian didn't like a pose, but a quick “May I?” before he laid his hands on the boy made all the difference, and Ciel could swallow it down. He didn't mind when Sebastian would take photos of him well before the boy was ready to pose – the photographer claimed that covering the process before the actual shooting was good practice for his documentary photography skills, and if Sebastian thought he'd profit so much from doing that, there was no reason for Ciel to say no. Exposure therapy also played its part in learning to handle Sebastian; the two young men had agreed to work ahead of Ciel's schedule to shoot outfits for when school, uni, or Sebastian's other job didn't allow them to keep up with the three pictures that Ciel needed to post every week, and for this, they met almost everyday for two weeks.

Ciel really didn't lie when he told his father that work went well, but that didn't seem to make Vincent Phantomhive any happier.

Blasting really loud angry music through his earphones throughout the entire thirty-three minute tube ride to meet Sebastian was probably a very teenage-angsty thing to do, just like not caring about the other passengers around him who had to listen to that too, but some teenage whims were so common simply because they helped with the struggles of growing up. And by the time he reached Piccadilly Circus, he'd calmed down a bit.

A bit.

Sebastian appeared right in front of his nose, saying something he couldn't hear. Ciel finally took the earphones out. “What?”

“I said you look just as enthusiastic about drinking that sugar water today as I'd look in your place.”

Unlike Ciel, Sebastian didn't seem to have a single care about anything, now that he didn't have to fear starvation anymore. It was the eleventh time in two weeks that they met, and every time, Sebastian arrived in pitch-black, with his bicycle helmet under his arm and a big smile on his face. Ciel's antithesis.

Ciel huffed. “I don't know what you're talking about, this is my normal resting bitch face.”

“I know your resting bitch face, it doesn't include clenching your teeth like a bloodhound.”

Ciel hadn't realised he was doing that. “...a headache, is all.” He'd been about to say something nasty, but Sebastian wasn't at fault for his mood.

It was actually a good day, no need to be so grumpy. Ciel was getting paid to drink bubble tea – something he'd usually treat himself to after work. A bubble tea business in Chinatown had noticed that habit in his Stories and taken the chance to exchange the many differently branded cups in Ciel's hands for ones with their logo. It was a collaboration made in heaven; not only would he get paid for taking photos of doing something he genuinely enjoyed, he now had access to as many free drinks as he wanted, as long as he always shared them on his account. They couldn't pay that much, but Ciel had accepted this collaboration out of genuine love for the product. Accordingly, his mien lit up as he reached over the counter to accept his first free taro milk tea.

The two got ready to shoot right outside the shop. “Too bad this won't be good anymore when we're done,” Ciel complained. “It'll be lukewarm in a minute.” Although the worst heat wave was over, it was still pretty hot.

Sebastian laughed. “You mean to say it tasted anything other than disgusting in the first place?”

Not this again. Would Sebastian ever shut up about the things Ciel enjoyed? McDonald's was wrong, Kentucky Fried Chicken was wrong, doughnuts were wrong, milk shakes topped with pieces of cake were very wrong.

Sebastian continued. “How do you eat so much rubbish and stay that skinny? You don't even work out, do you? Any normal person would be morbidly obese in your place.”

Ciel huffed. “If you have to know that badly... I have a metabolic condition where I need twice as many calories a day as a normal person would need,” he explained. “The doctors say I'm fine as long as I eat a lot of high-caloric stuff.” He shrugged.

“Oh... really?”

“No, of course not, you moron. Just like any other person, I can eat whatever I want, as long as I don't eat too much in a day, and I'd rather skip a meal here or there than stay away from things I enjoy.”

“Wow, what a healthy lifestyle.” Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

“I'm young, I can get away with it, and I'm at a healthy weight.”

“That's probably why you're so short, though.”

“I'm not short, I just don't have stilts as legs, like certain other people.”

“You wish you had my legs.”

“I don't, I'm perfectly happy with my body, it's just the way I want it.” _Lies,_ although Ciel had nothing to complain about his legs. “Good for you that you enjoy your crappy salads and, I don't know, low-fat, gluten-free quinoa bowls, or whatever, and good for you that you enjoy bicycling everywhere, but I prefer to move as little as possible and eat according to my taste.”

Sebastian crossed his arms. “Quinoa is overrated and overpriced, I prefer local produce, and it's not advisable to eat gluten-free unless you suffer from celiac disease or symptomatic gluten intolerance.”

“See, and I don't care about knowing any of that because I'll just eat whatever I like.” Ciel sighed. “I'm sick of having to explain myself over and over to everyone today, let's just get on with it.” He took a sip from his lavender-coloured drink; just a small one wouldn't ruin its look, and he really needed that now.

Sebastian chuckled. He'd annoyed Ciel on purpose, hadn't he? Was this a game to him? What an ass. Ciel wouldn't let him win like this next time; he could be annoying too, if he so wanted.

It was difficult to properly utilise the storefront as a nice background. The window was dirty and didn't make for a pretty picture, so they turned the corner, where a whitewashed brick building provided a nice, subdued backdrop. But that wasn't the end of the struggle. Whenever Ciel found a position that his limbs didn't look completely awkward in, the tea in his hands didn't quite fit. The direct sunlight blinding him wasn't helpful either, nor were the harsh shadows in his face that Sebastian had warned Ciel of when he heard the time of the day they would shoot, a warning that Ciel had ignored. But Sebastian could work around the shadows, he just needed Ciel to show more enthusiasm for the subject matter.

“Come on, you're supposed to enjoy this stuff. Instead you look like someone's holding a gun at your back to make you drink it.”

“It's hard, okay? I can't see anything,” Ciel said. “I should've brought sunglasses...”

“Just close your eyes. Press them shut as long as you're looking for a position, and relax them when I release.”

“Okay...”

“And raise your chin, we want to get rid of the shadows under your eyes.”

And so Ciel did, and so they finally took a few pictures that looked as if Ciel not only appreciated the drink in his hands, but enjoyed the summer sun too.

Despite the struggles, it didn't take them more than half an hour to finish. It was barely three o'clock yet. A long day with Ciel's father off work, waiting back home. He didn't really wanna see him today, but what other options did the boy have? Wander around aimlessly? Ciel had no real reason to stay downtown. He'd crash at Lizzy's, but he knew that she wasn't home today, so that was impossible. Sullivan was on vacation, just like Finnian, and that was about it with his list of friends.

Sebastian interrupted his train of thought. “Is there something in my face?”

“Huh? No. Uhm... do you have somewhere else you gotta go after this?”

“I need to do some grocery shopping before I go home, but other than that, not until eight o'clock. Do you need something else?”

Ciel pressed his lips together. He wasn't usually one to initiate friendly relations. All three-and-a-half of his friends kind of just appeared around him at one point, Ciel couldn't get rid of them anymore, and eventually, he called them friends. That was the natural course of things. He wasn't really interested in forming a friendship with his employee either, but the thought of running into his father upset him more right now than having to socialise with Sebastian. “I just... I don't wanna go home yet, but I've got nothing to do, and I was wondering if you'd keep me company for a little longer. Coffee's on me.” Ciel couldn't remember if he'd ever asked someone to keep him company before. How embarrassing.

“Sure, why not?”

Oh, that had been surprisingly easy. The boy didn't know what he'd expected, but certainly not that.

Sebastian smiled. “But how about bubble tea instead of coffee today?” Sebastian suggested.

“What?”

“You heard me right.”

Ciel drew his eyebrows together. “Are you kidding me?”

“It's not that bad if it's just the tea, no sugar or toppings. And we're right in front of your new primary source.”

Weird guy. Well, Ciel didn't complain if he got to have some cool bubble tea after all.

With the camera stored away in Sebastian's backpack and two fresh drinks, the pair sat down at the only table. They were lucky to catch it; the shop got crowded right after they ordered. Ciel had a good view of the counter and watched the customers. The tall blonde girl asked for an iced passion fruit tea; her shorter ginger friend a honeydew melon milk tea. The lovey-dovey couple after them got two different green teas, and the mother lining up after them ordered strawberry milk tea for her little daughter. Ciel wasn't particularly interested in any of that, but now that they were at the table, he became painfully aware that he didn't know how to initiate a conversation in this kind of situation.

He let out a deep sigh.

“So, you've got troubles with your parents, hmm?” Sebastian asked.

His bluntness irked Ciel. “What makes you think that's any of your business?”

“Oh, you know, because of the desperate gleam in your eyes when you asked me if I've got a little more time for you.”

Sebastian did have a painfully good point.

“I mean, I can also just sit here and stare at you with my free drink while you look away, if that's what you prefer. But my intuition tells me that you could've watched strangers without my help.”

Sebastian was right. Ciel could've done that by himself. There was something he did have to discuss with his photographer anyway, though he'd planned to do that through PM later. What Ciel needed to get off his chest, and the topic planned for later, both had everything to do with Sebastian; so why not just spill them all out at once?

“...go to Edinburgh with me.”

“What. Now?”

“No, not now. But before the holidays end. I've got an offer to collaborate with a hostel there. My father doesn't want this, so I'll definitely have to go.”

Sebastian leaned back and inspected Ciel and his barely touched tea. “Does he have an issue with you travelling alone before your eighteenth birthday?”

“He's got an issue with my entire job. Hoped I'd stop when Lizzy would go abroad, but of course, I didn't.

“Didn't he draft our contract?”

“That was his condition for letting me continue in peace, or at least that's what he said. He wanted to set the conditions himself to make sure he knows exactly what I'm getting myself into. I wasn't thrilled at the thought of letting him set it up but I thought maybe that would please him, and he'd actually leave me alone. He didn't want me to include the travel part at first, but I wouldn't leave him any other choice. He doesn't take me seriously, even though he knows exactly that I'm making much more money off this than I'd get from any stupid internship that he wants me to do.”

With a subtle smile, Sebastian raised his head a little. “He—“

“Don't you make fun of me now. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. You both need to accept that I'm earning a respectable amount of money at my seventeen years of age, anyone should be proud of their son finding a profitable business for himself while still doing well at school, instead of complaining about how I'm _just selling myself.”_

“I wasn't going to make fun of you. On the contrary, actually. I think you're doing pretty well.”

“You really think so?”

“Of course, you're my boss after all, I can't say otherwise.” Sebastian smirked.

“Idiot,” Ciel replied, and chuckled. “But you're right, you're on thin ice if you question me.” He finally took a good sip from his bubble tea.

“You remind me of myself when I was your age. I knew I'd want to be a photographer, but do you think my parents believed in me? No, haha, not at all. But I didn't care, I moved out right after I graduated, into the shabbiest rattrap that you can possibly imagine, that was all I could afford, but I got what I really wanted all along: no ties and the freedom to do whatever I wanted.”

“And now you're working for a seventeen-year-old that reminds you of yourself when you were that age.”

“Now _you're_ on thin ice, little boy.”

“Don't call me little boy.”

“Alright, posh boy.”

“See, I don't just want to be my parents' posh little boy. They both want me to go to law school and become their minion. I have no interest in doing anything like that. Do you have any idea what financial lawyers do all day? Go through heaps and heaps of papers that may or may not prove their shady clients' financial frauds. I'd rather work at McDonald's instead.”

“Bad idea, you'd eat nothing else anymore.”

Ciel just glared at Sebastian.

“Do you have any plans for when you're done with school, then?”

“I want to focus on growing my Instagram even more, and not do anything else for a while. I want to get to a point where I can afford living on my own, and for that, I need to focus on my account growth. But my parents want me to study so I'll get a proper job... What even is a proper job to them, I don't know. I even pay taxes! I mean, I don't even want to do this forever, it's not a career for a lifetime, but how am I supposed to know what I want from life when all that I know of life is school?”

Sebastian leaned back. “So what? Take a year off, take off even more, focus on what's working for you right now. You can always decide to go to uni later. What do you have to lose?”

“Well... time?”

“You're young, what do a couple of years mean to you down the line? If you can use the time off to make good money and prove your parents wrong, all the better. Or do you think studying something random only to drop out later because it's not for you is a better idea?”

“...I mean, I guess you have a point...”

“You're a good boy, Ciel. Good boys like you don't understand that parents are just another pair of flawed human beings. They don't always know what's best for you. And sometimes, they don't want you to know what's best for you.”

Was Sebastian right? Was it time to rebel against his parents? Ciel had never seen himself as that sort of person, never understood the need of other young people to distance themselves from their parents as long as eye-level communication could fix everything. Usually, he and his parents could work out everything this way, but Ciel wasn't on eye-level this time. Maybe he had no other choice but show them – him – prove his father wrong. He wouldn't be able to deny his son's success anymore when the latter would be financially independent at eighteen years of age in one of the most expensive cities in the entire world.

Ciel had one more school year ahead of him. One more year whose free time he could spend on whatever he wanted to do, and what he wanted was grow his business. If he got to a point where he would be able to afford rent, food, and Sebastian's services, what were his parents supposed to do? Throw him out? He'd rather make it entirely on his own than continue to be his parents' good boy and end up working a job he would hate with a passion.

The goal was set. Complete independence by the end of the school year. It would mean a lot of work, but Ciel was ready to do it.

“As for Edinburgh,” Sebastian continued, I'm in – under one condition: I want one free afternoon so I can visit my granny.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you have a favourite type of bubble tea? I love all kinds of milk teas. There are hardly any places where you can get bubble tea in my country, though.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm writing a sebaciel YA coming of age story  
> And yes, I do realise that I'm realising this kind of late.
> 
> I got up at half past 5 this morning and it's almost 11pm already and I'm very very tired, so part of me thinks it's a bad idea to post this now but the stronger, sleep-deprived part is screaming POST IT
> 
>  
> 
> [Ciel's new photo on Tumblr](https://nighttime-tea-party.tumblr.com/post/183707456347/wanderlust-chapter-5-in-which-not-everything-goes)  
> [Ciel's new photo on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bve89Tfh2Kc/)  
> 

 

The weather in Edinburgh promised to be okay. Ciel had checked three different forecasts, they had all promised cloudy skies but no rain and up to seventeen degrees. Perfect cardigan weather. No need to worry about getting wet, neither from rain, nor sweat.

Lies.

Every promise for the last Friday before school was a lie.

It started with the time of departure. Ciel was late at the train station. He had managed to forget the train tickets at home and needed to return, which cost him half an hour and a few nerves, but ultimately that didn't matter because the train came even later.

Ciel had barely slept the night before. The train was supposed to leave around quarter past eight; he'd planned to be at the station at half past seven. He wasn't used to getting up before noon, let alone this early. In fact, the time he got up this morning was close to the time he would go to sleep at for most of the summer. That was his own fault, he knew it was, and yet that didn't make it any easier. He had tried to adjust his sleep rhythm all week, knowing full well that come Monday, he wouldn't have a choice. Perhaps being pushed in the cold water now was a good thing after all, even though right that moment, it felt terrible. So all that Ciel could think about now was how he could've spent one more hour asleep.

The train was packed. Following Sebastian's advice, Ciel had intentionally avoided travelling any earlier week, so as not to be in Edinburgh during Fringe, an enormous arts festival, when visitors overran the city, and yet they had to prey on seats. Ciel almost caught two neighbouring ones when a middle-aged lady shot past him, pushed Sebastian's cup of coffee out of his hands with her elbow, and took both. Eventually, Sebastian caught seats for both of them, though.

They wouldn't keep those seats, though.

Halfway up north, the train stopped in the middle of nowhere. In unifying confusion, the passengers turned their heads as if somewhere, they might be able to espy an answer to why they had halted. In unison, they raised their heads as an unenthusiastic voice announced a thirty minute delay, and like a choir off-key, they made some sort of sound to express their displeasure at the situation.

Well, whatever. After an hour of delay, and a regular travel time of almost five hours, another half an hour more or less didn't matter anymore. That's what you had to expect – Great Britain's railways weren't all that great at being punctual. Ciel had his Nintendo Switch with him, so at least he could entertain himself. Sebastian declined the invitation to play with him; he seemed well engaged in what was happening on his phone screen.

When after forty minutes, though, the train was still not moving, suspicion arose. The woman that had previously knocked Sebastian's coffee over now left her seat to hunt the conductor down, though to no avail – he had no valuable information to share.

Ciel huffed. “I hate it when they do that. At least keep us updated if it's gonna take longer...”

“Someone once told me that whenever a train suddenly stops and they won't tell the passengers what's up, it's usually someone that jumped on the tracks.” Sebastian was leaning against the window, expressionless, staring down at his phone and typing something. “So inconsiderate. I don't care what you do with your life but at least don't drag anybody else into it.”

A chill ran down Ciel's spine. He hadn't expected a reply like that. He rarely saw Sebastian talk without a smile, and when he didn't smile, it was usually because Ciel was demonstratively indulging in wonderfully unhealthy, highly processed food right in front of his nose. Then again, it wasn't the lack of a smile that took Ciel aback – it was the cold detachment, the condescending voice that Sebastian used while explaining that someone might have just committed suicide.

“I just texted my grandmother that we'll be arriving later than planned but I'll be going to the hotel with you before meeting her to drop my things.” Sebastian put his phone away, then crossed his arms and closed his eyes.

Was Sebastian right? Had somebody really just killed themself? Ciel watched the young man for a while, who didn't seem to notice. The more he thought about it, the more he sympathised with Sebastian's lack of concern. Such things were probably happening all the time without our knowing. And it _was_ inconsiderate, wasn't it? If anything, sympathy for the probably traumatised engine driver was more appropriate.

“If you don't mind, I'd like to play with you after all,” Sebastian said. He put his phone down.

That way, they killed time for another hour, until a bus finally came to pick the passengers up. It hadn't been a suicide after all, but a problem with the train engine. The buses brought them to Newark, where a substitute train was waiting to depart. Ciel would've loved to grab a snack at the station, he hadn't had breakfast, and was starting to get hungry, but although theirs was the first bus to arrive, he didn't want to risk missing the train.

It was almost one o'clock when the connecting train finally left Newark. Another three and a half hours left to Edinburgh. The first hour was bearable, but then, playing games turned dull. Ciel was getting seriously hungry too, as was Sebastian. The boss purchased an overpriced sandwich on the train and shared it with his employee but that was hardly enough nutrition to make up for the hours and hours on the tracks. It didn't help that Ciel's butt started to hurt from so much sitting, and that he was so bored, it drained him of all energy to do anything to make the time pass. Meanwhile, it was getting darker outside. Ciel checked the weather report again; it now said that it was raining a little in Edinburgh. It didn't matter if it was just _a little._ And while Ciel shifted and shifted around in his seat, opposite of him, Sebastian sat still, eyes closed, back straight. The boy wasn't sure if his travel companion was just this disciplined or if he had fallen into some sort of emergency energy-saving mode; it was probably the latter, because by the time they finally reached Edinburgh, he set foot on the platform with steps just as staggering as Ciel's.

That's when Sebastian's phone rang.

It was his grandmother. Ciel could tell by the way Sebastian's tired eyes lit up even before he addressed her with _granny._ The glow soon made way for gloominess, though, and by the time Sebastian hung up, he looked even more tired than before.

“I won't be seeing her today after all,” Sebastian announced.

“What's the matter? Why not?” Ciel had actually looked forward to a relaxed evening in the hotel room all by himself. Those plans had just been ruined.

“She thought I'd come next week, so now she's in Glasgow with her book club ladies until Monday.” He wore a big frown. The grown man did nothing to hide his displeasure at being unable to see his granny.

Though to be fair, Ciel would have probably reacted the same way at the low energy level he'd fallen to. “There's only one solution to this debacle now.”

“Which is?”

“Food.”

“Food,” Sebastian agreed.

Though that's where the agreement stopped. After checking the store directory at the train station, Ciel soon knew that Burger King was the place to be. The alternatives were sandwiches and other snacks. He needed a full warm meal immediately.

Sebastian refused to come along. “No thank you, I'll grab a baguette and an espresso over there instead.”

 _No thank you, I'll grab a baguette._ How extra. And it's not like his excessive coffee drinking was at the top of healthy lifestyle decisions either. That's what Ciel would've liked to tell Sebastian, but he had been too dizzy from hunger to form any more full sentences, so instead, he mumbled it to himself in fragments when he was finally sitting alone at a table for four, with his giant burger and a drink just as large.

With a full belly, the whole world wasn't as dark of a place anymore. But that didn't change that the sudden downpour when they left the train station didn't feel fair. Ciel didn't mind a drizzle, but this was not how it was supposed to be – the weather forecast had mentioned nothing like this. By the time they reached the tram stop, all of Ciel and half of Sebastian were drenched (Sebastian was using the foldable umbrella he had brought to protect the backpack containing his camera in his arms). The younger boy was trembling by the time they got on the tram; his lips had turned blue when they got off again.

It was the least impressive hotel lobby Ciel had ever set foot in. The hall was simple – no flower bouquet half his size on a table in the centre of the room, no expensive leather couches or subtle lounge music. None of what he was used to from his trips with his parents. None of that mattered. They were in the dry. Ciel wanted a warm shower and then sleep.

The receptionist asked for an ID and a payment in advance before she gave out the room key. “Cash or credit card, however you prefer.”

Ciel wasn't sure if he'd understood her correctly. “No, we– I'm not here for recreational purposes, this is a job.”

“Would you be so kind as to tell me the name of your employer so I can check if a payment has been placed for you beforehand?”

“No, you don't understand, I'm Ciel Phantomhive – _starry skies mesmerise_ – I'm supposed to be working _for you.”_

The receptionist knew nothing of it. She went through the folders on the counter two times but didn't find anything. When Ciel showed her the e-mail correspondence, the woman did recognise the name of the man Ciel had been in touch with; however, when she tried to reach out to him by telephone, he didn't pick up. That wasn't the problem, though; the e-mails were enough proof to give Ciel and his photographer the rooms they deserved. But there was not a single vacant room.

Ciel and Sebastian had no place to spend the night.

What really outraged Ciel was that even though the receptionist offered to look for a different place to stay, the hotel wouldn't pay for a room in another house as long as Ciel's contact person couldn't be reached. He'd had enough. At this rate, he couldn't trust that they'd pay for his expenses afterwards, so the boy quickly booked something himself. A twin bedroom that was much nicer than the two rooms they were promised. Also much more expensive. Didn't matter, he'd indulge in a little luxury if he had to pay for it anyway. Day one of this trip was a failure but it was up to him to make the best of the rest. He had two tickets back to London for Sunday in his backpack, and until that train departed, he would use Edinburgh to his advance, create social media content with Sebastian, and thereby invest in the future of his travel blogging career.

Ciel wasn't willing to take public transport yet again, so he had the receptionist call a cab. Not a single word was spoken in the car until the driver asked for the payment; Sebastian busied himself on the phone and Ciel just shut his heavy eyes.

The boy in charge had his older employee check in to avoid possible obstacles of doing it as a minor. Having the twenty-four-year-old do it worked out splendidly, and finally, finally, they obtained the key cards. Just a few more steps until Ciel could rest. _Beep,_ the door opened.

Sebastian hadn't entered yet when he heard Ciel cry out, “You've got to be kidding me!”

Sebastian sighed in exhaustion. “What now?”

“There's just one bed?! I told them I didn't want a double bed! I'm gonna go crazy. God. Sebastian. I'm gonna go crazy. I'll go downstairs and complain, I won't accept this. I won't... I won't...”

“You're about to cry, aren't you?”

“No, I'm not.” Ciel curled his lower lip.

“Yes, you are.”

“No, 'm not...!” He sobbed. _No tears no tears no tears please god no tears_

“Look again.” Sebastian gestured towards a corner of the room. “The other one's in that alcove over there, behind the curtain.”

Indeed, there was another, smaller one. It looked like a foldaway bed. _Oh thank god._

“But either way, I won't be sleeping here tonight. Turns out I'll be seeing someone tonight.”

“Oh, a friend?”

“No, someone I just matched on Tinder in the taxi.”

“...Are you serious?”

Sebastian smiled. “Perfectly serious. Here, take a look, I think I'm about to have a grand time.” He held his phone screen towards Ciel.

Without directly looking at it, Ciel could tell that Sebastian was showing him a shirtless man. He didn't want to look any closer; this was giving him the same icky feeling that Sebastian's mere presence had given him in the past.

Sebastian noticed and chuckled.

“Do whatever you want,”Ciel exclaimed, “I, for one, am going to take a shower now.”

 

* * *

 

 

Steady trickle on Ciel's eyelids, warmth spreading through his fingertips. Finally. The shower was one of Ciel's favourite places: just him and his thoughts, no distractions like a vibrating phone or an annoying photographer. Sebastian had said he'd only change his clothes and then go out, so he would be gone by the time Ciel was done. Ciel looked forward to having the room to himself to come down from a day of stress and disappointment.

The boy spent the rest of the evening cuddled up in bed with his Switch, leaving it only twice: One time, out of hunger, to grab the two free biscuits on the tray next to the electric kettle, and the other time to brush his teeth. He loved being alone. It was his first time completely by himself so far away from home. Was this the business man lifestyle? Enjoying the evening in a hotel room in a place where he isn't for recreational but professional reasons? Surely, there must be business men that bring their portable game consoles.

This trip would cost Ciel a pretty penny, but as the adult he wanted to be, he just embraced it as a substitute for the vacation that his parents had to cancel because they had troubles with the mess that one of their clients loaded onto them right before the summer holidays. He'd enjoy the sightseeing, even though the main goal was generating content for his feed with Sebastian. He'd have a good time despite having to drag Sebastian along. That Sebastian. Talking three sentences to a stranger online and then hooking up with them. Ciel couldn't believe it. That man was probably the kind of guy that always carried condoms around him (and not just for show, like Ciel's classmates used to do when they were fourteen). He just had to be adamant about protection, considering how much he cared about his health. That, at least, relieved Ciel; not like sex with random strangers wasn't gross already, but not using any protection was even grosser.

Ciel wondered how often Sebastian slept with strangers. He wondered if he did it on days when he worked with Ciel. Perhaps Sebastian was secretly thinking of the sex he would later have while he was taking photos of Ciel. That was disgusting. But perfectly possible. People do think about sex a lot, and someone that hooks up with strangers probably thinks about sex even more, the boy imagined.

It wasn't late yet – just getting dark – but Ciel could barely keep his eyes open. The boy put his Switch on the bedside table and turned off the lights. He lay down on his back, folded his hands and stared up at the dark ceiling. Hadn't it been kind of a dick move of Sebastian to leave a minor unattended in a hotel room far from home? Well, not like he cared, and he was happy to be alone after all, but still a questionable move on Sebastian's part. He was probably having a grand time right now. Ciel tried not to imagine it, then imagined it anyway, and wanted to scratch his eyes out until he realised that it hadn't been his eyes that had shown him this horrible picture. _Get a grip of yourself, he's an adult man, he can do that if he wants to. It's normal. People can have sex and not find it gross._ Telling himself that didn't change the fact that Ciel did feel very gross at just the thought of it, and he didn't want to think of it, but he couldn't shake it off. It reminded him of when Lizzy'd had her first time, and she was sharing her excitement (and too many details) with her favourite cousin. The mere knowledge that Lizzy could be naked freaked him out, and that she, or anybody else at that, could enjoy being naked with someone else, going so far as to touch each other, and touch each other so intensely that their sexual organs _did things._

Ciel's brain didn't shut up. _I thought you were tired,_ he wanted to ask himself, but it was true, he was awfully tired, but that didn't help him fall asleep. It was the jet lag he had brought onto himself; he wasn't used to shutting off this early anymore. Maybe it was also the bed that he wasn't used to. And perhaps being all alone in a silent dark room after a stressful day wasn't what he had wished for after all.

It wasn't like Ciel's sexual organs never _did things._ He would've preferred them not to, but that's what he, as a member of the majority of the human race, was condemned to. But fixing that by himself was so much less uncomfortable than someone else messing with it. Ciel avoided unnecessary touches. He was used to Lizzy's enthusiastic hugs, she just couldn't be stopped, but he didn't remember the last time he had hugged his parents, for example. One time on a school trip, on the bus, Sullivan had fallen asleep on his shoulder, and for a good one and a half hours, Ciel tensed his body, not wanting her there but not wanting to wake her up either, so that when they arrived at their destination, Ciel had a bad backache. He couldn't understand why others liked touches so much that strangers would actively seek each other out to do it in the most invasive way possible.

He hoped Sebastian would have really bad sex tonight.

Ciel turned on some music on his phone. The silence never bothered him at home, but right now, it was the loudest thing he'd ever heard. Phone right next to him, music playing on low volume, he took the second pillow and hugged it like he would hug Bitter Rabbit when he couldn't fall asleep.

Tomorrow would be better for sure. He'd eat a lot to make up for what the biscuits couldn't make up for tonight. He'd also have to find a good place to take a selfie. Yes. Disobedience. Tomorrow... sightseeing. Weather... good? Unicorns...

Ciel's thoughts disconnected as Sleep was finally coming to visit the tired boy. It silently crept through the door and to his bedside, took the phone and turned the music off, then plugged the charger in. Wait, that wasn't Sleep, it was Sebastian. Ciel watched him through slitted eyes. He was so close to falling asleep, he wouldn't ruin it for himself by moving and talking now. Even though he wanted to know really badly why Sebastian was back. When Sebastian started undressing in the middle of the room, he closed his eyes again. Just a bit later, he heard him turn on the shower. When Ciel opened his eyes again, there was just a pile of clothes left where the young man had been standing. Ciel closed his eyes another time, more dreaming than thinking about what misfortune brought Sebastian back so early. If he hadn't been so tired, he would've laughed.

Ciel opened his eyes yet again when he heard the door unlock. Sunlight flooded the room and the pile of clothes was gone, but in came Sebastian, in joggers and trainers, and sweaty. Ciel sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

How could this man go for a run at such an ungodly hour? Nine wasn't a good time to do sports when you could sleep instead. Not like there ever was a good time for sports.

“Here you go, I got this on the way back.” Sebastian threw a wrapped pair of egg sandwiches at Ciel. “You must be starving, silly boy. Too lazy to go out and get something to eat, weren't you?”

Ciel looked at the sandwiches, then at Sebastian. “How'd you know?”

“Your wallet is still in the exact same place as when I left yesterday. Now, I can't have you dying on me if you want to convince your parents that it's a good idea for you to travel with me.” He sat down next to Ciel on the edge of the bed and unwrapped his own sandwich.

Ciel stared at Sebastian.

“What's the matter? Don't you like egg sandwiches?”

“No... I mean, yes... I mean, thank you.”

Ciel took a bite, then Sebastian followed suit. Quietly they sat there and ate their sandwiches. They were the most delicious egg sandwiches Ciel had ever had. That's how hungry he was.

“I didn't have anything to eat last night either, to be honest,” Sebastian said.

“Ah.”

“I did sleep here tonight after all.”

“I know. I heard you come home.” Ciel chewed a bite, then swallowed it down. “Did something bad happen? Or was he just uglier than what the picture promised?”

“He didn't show up, so I spontaneously just walked around town for a while before coming home. Joke's on him, he doesn't know what he missed out on.”

“Ugh, shut up.”

Sebastian laughed.

 

* * *

 

 

The hotel was located just around the corner of Princes Street, perfect to conquer both Old- and New Town by foot, Sebastian explained. He knew his way around the city, so he would be the tour guide of the day.

Despite the thick clouds, Edinburgh was tan. Above the colourful wooden fronts, dark beige structures defined the city. They took the shapes of many centuries, but all had in common the sense of belonging into a fantasy film. There was the Scott Monument, a neo-Gothic sandstone giant peaking up like a Victorian rocket ready to conquer outer space as Jules Verne might have imagined it. There was Edinburgh castle throning on top of a giant rock formation in the middle of the city, as if to have a good overlook in every direction to spot dragons coming to threaten the townsfolk. There were the very many shops that tried to cash in on being located in the birth place of the Harry Potter series, as well as Victoria Street, the reverse J-shaped street that inspired Diagon Alley from the same books, lined with even more colourful fronts, and cafés on a second storey. Every other minute, they passed a place that sold kilts, and Sebastian wouldn't stop trying to bully Ciel into buying one.

“Look over there!” Sebastian said. “That's Grassmarket, where they used to hang criminals.”

“Oh, how charming.”

“And see that pub over there, called Maggie Dickinson? My grandmother used to take me there sometimes and tell me the story of Maggie, the woman that was hanged at Grassmarket for getting pregnant, but survived hanging, so she went on to live another forty years.”

“Your grandma told you that?”

“She has a lot of interesting stories to tell.”

As the day progressed, Ciel became increasingly aware of the bustle of the city. It got harder and harder to avoid bumping into other pedestrians. His feet were starting to hurt too. Sebastian had already taken plenty of photos, and when they'd gone full circle and found themselves right where they started, beside Scott Monument, Ciel sat down on a park bench. Sebastian joined him.

“I haven't taken the most important photo yet.” Ciel turned to Sebastian with an impish smirk.

Sebastian grabbed his camera.

“No, not you. Me. I need to take a selfie here. Hold my backpack.”

Sebastian watched as Ciel got up, turned his back to the monument, held his phone up, then pulled one lower eyelid down and stuck his tongue out. Release. The boy typed a few words, hit send. A smug smile.

Sebastian narrowed his eyebrows. “What was that?”

“Father thinks I'm staying at a friend's over the weekend. In London. He won't be thinking that for long anymore. Can't wait for his reaction.”

“Oh, the little boy is disobeying! I like that.”

“Don't call me little boy.”

“So he really didn't want to let you go after all?”

Ciel huffed. “I didn't even ask. If I return in one piece, there's not a lot he can complain about.”

Ciel's phone buzzed. His father was calling. The boy just watched the phone vibrate in his hand.

“What a bad boy you are,” Sebastian said. “Enjoyment is written all over your face.”

Vincent Phantomhive tried two more times, and when his son still wouldn't pick up the phone, he sent him a message instead. Ciel read it out loud.

 _»Ciel, I hope you're aware you'll have to face consequences once you're home._ __«_ _

The boy's heart beat fast, but in a good way. He beamed at Sebastian. “What does he think he can do, cancel my pocket money? Hah.”

At so much enthusiasm, Sebastian couldn't help but smile. “Hand me your phone for a sec.”

“What do you want with it?” Ciel asked, but handed it over anyway.

Sebastian opened the camera app again, pulled Ciel closer to him, and smiled for the picture. He then went back into Whatsapp and sent Vincent Phantomhive the photo. Until Ciel was able to react to his actions, he had written something as well.”

“What was that for? Hey, don't tell me you sent my father that picture!” Now Ciel's heart was beating even faster. He touched the shoulder Sebastian had grabbed to draw him closer.

“Of course I did. I thought it was a nice occasion to introduce myself.”

Ciel took the phone back and read the message. _»Hello, this is Sebastian. I'm your son's photographer, current adult in charge, and bad influence. Thank you for setting up our contract.«_

Sebastian chuckled. “What are you blushing for?”

“I'm not blushing.” He was blushing. “But that was... I don't know. He'll hate you now.”

“But does it matter?”

Did it? Ciel still had to figure this rebelling thing out.

 

* * *

 

 

Arms raised into T-shape and cheek ahead, Ciel fell right into his bed. He wriggled his trainers off, then moaned.

“You're weak,” Sebastian mocked him.

“What else is new,” Ciel mumbled into the sheets.

As Ciel surrendered himself completely to gravity's pull, Sebastian took his laptop out and sat down at the desk.

The younger boy watched him without moving a single muscle. “You don't need to edit the photos immediately.”

“I might as well do it now. We took so many photos today, and the light constantly changed, so I won't get them all done tonight, anyway. It would be nice if you could post one of these pictures tomorrow while we're still here, don't you think so?”

Incredible how Sebastian didn't seem to mind the long walk at all. Ciel would've called it a day after the selfie at Scott Memorial, but Sebastian insisted on continuing, so after Old Town, they explored New Town too. Completely wasted now, the boy would've just closed his eyes and followed sleep's call if he hadn't felt so incredibly filthy. It didn't rain and it wasn't particularly hot either, but moving through the city all day left him with an invisible but very tangible film of _disgusting_ all over his skin. He wished someone would just run him a bath, strip his clothes off and put him in the tub, though not Sebastian because that would be awkward. A shapeless, neutral, ghost-like entity would be better.

“You look so pitiful over there, I'm almost sorry for you. Should I run you a bath?”

Ciel shot up. “How did you know?!”

“Know what?”

“I mean, yes, please! But don't put me in the tub!”

“O...kay...” Sebastian eyed the exhausted boy on the bed while he walked over to the bathroom.

As the warm water engulfed Ciel's worn out body, his aching muscles relaxed one after another, first his legs and the small of the back; then, as he slid deeper into the tub, his shoulders, whose tension he only noticed when it dissolved in the warmth.

Tomorrow would be the last day of his summer holidays. Ciel knew that his exhaustion would last at least well into Monday, but that was fine. Not like they'd do much in their first school week anyway. What bothered him more was the telling-off he had to expect from his father when he would come home. Ciel tried not to care; at first, it was easy, but the more he thought about it, the scarier it got. And his father wouldn't be entirely wrong in telling Ciel off, had this whole trip not meant financial loss for him. But Vincent Phantomhive needed to know nothing of that. As far as he was concerned, this was a planned investment into Ciel's blogging plans, as well as a deserved summer vacation when his parents were too busy to take him anywhere. And it was only Edinburgh! It wouldn't have been a deal if he'd gone with Lizzy.

The bath felt nice but Ciel was getting a little hot. He lifted his legs out of the water and propped them on the sides of the bathtub to cool off.

Lizzy would move to Paris next week. He'd see her one last time but she'd leave in the morning, when Ciel had to be at school. He'd have less time for doing what he wanted to do and he wouldn't shoot as much with Sebastian anymore. How weird. He couldn't stand Sebastian's guts when they first met, but over the past few weeks, Ciel had gotten used to him.

It was getting really hot in the tub. Time to get out.

When Ciel returned, Sebastian wasn't sitting at the desk anymore, but on Ciel's bed, phone in his hand, leaning against the headboard. Asleep. _But I'm the weakling, right?_

Sebastian's computer was buzzing. It must've been dealing with a whole lot of files at once, or maybe it was just Sebastian's old computer being old. In any case, it looked like Sebastian had planned to continue working on the photos but didn't make it back to the desk anymore. Ciel walked over to the laptop and shut it. He wondered if it had actually been Sebastian who wanted the bath when he offered it to Ciel.

The boy didn't know what to do with the sleeping man on his bed. He hesitated to wake him up, but he also really just wanted to go to sleep. He could've just laid down on the other side and waited for Sebastian to wake up from his uncomfortable sleeping position, but... no. He didn't want anyone else in his bed when he was trying to sleep.

The room was dark when Sebastian woke up. He didn't know how long he'd been leaning there, and barely remembered how he got there in the first place. As he turned around to check for Ciel, he couldn't find the younger one. There was no light in the bathroom either. On Sebastian's designated bed, though, a turtle-shaped composition of blanket heap shell and a pointy-nosed face had settled for the night. Sebastian squatted down to observe the odd life form. He smiled. Ciel looked like a sweet boy when he was asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

The train back home left in the late morning. Ciel, bleary-eyed, was hardly capable of any talking, so he slept for most of the ride. The journey back home felt quick – perhaps a bit rushed. Half an hour before London, Sebastian woke him up, just in time to show Ciel the photos he had edited while the latter was resting, and before long, it was time to say goodbye.

“Well, good luck with school next week, I'll be thinking of you during my one more month of holidays,” Sebastian said.

“Thanks, you ass. I'll consider that while evaluating whether I want to keep you employed or look for someone else.”Maybe Ciel would be happy not having to see this face as much anymore after all.

“And think of why you want to do what you want to do when your father comes to scold you.”

Saying goodbye was a little difficult. Not because they didn't want to, but because the boundaries of two young adults in an exclusively professional relationship that weren't professional or adult enough to spend the nights in different hotel rooms were hard to grasp. Sebastian wasn't a friend. He offered Ciel a paid service. And yet he'd also played games with Ciel, and shown him a photo of a guy he matched on Tinder. So what was this goodbye supposed to look like?

Definitely no hug. Even though Sebastian, for a moment, lifted his arms, as if to test those waters out. A bow? Hell no, what is this, Japan? Just saying _bye_ like always was too little after a whole weekend together. A handshake was the best middle ground. More special than just a verbal goodbye, and formal enough to reinforce their type of relationship.

When Ciel braced to face his father, he tried to think of all that went well that weekend, of the photos that turned out nice and the room that he decided to afford himself. He didn't think of the train that wouldn't move, nor his clothes that took until Sunday to dry. Most of what he thought of were the streets that Sebastian knew so well, and the handshake at the end.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise bitches, I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me.
> 
> I'm so sorry I'm never updating. I wish I could do it more often but #wanderlust is so difficult for me to write and I've always got so much important stuff to do!
> 
> What even is this chapter, I hope it's not complete trash and a mess but at this point I don't care anymore, I tried so hard to fit writing into my evenings somehow and I shouldn't stress this much over fanfic. Oh god, now I sound like Ciel sounds in this chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy anyway.
> 
> One disclaimer: I did A LOt of research on the UK educational system. I did my best to represent it well but I might possibly be getting things wrong. If you're from the UK and you notice any mistakes in how I portray it, please feel free to tell me and I'll try my best to fix it!
> 
>  
> 
> [Sebastian's new photo on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BzL9b35IibT/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet)  
> [Sebastian's new photo on Tumblr](https://nighttime-tea-party.tumblr.com/post/185870073007/wanderlust-chapter-6-coming-out-of-my-hiatus)  
> 

“Ciel Phantomhive, you're hereby grounded.”

It was kind of bizarre. Grounding was something you'd do to an eight-year-old that deliberately broke the neighbours' tacky garden sculpture with his football. Which Ciel would've never done; he'd rather avoid seeing the sculpture altogether and play Pokemon Platinum in his blanket fort instead.

His eight-year-old equivalent would've never believed it had he told him that at seventeen, being grounded was perhaps the worst punishment Ciel could get. He did still prefer staying in his room all day, playing video games, that hadn't changed – but after school, he needed to take time for Instagram photos regularly, and that exactly was what Vincent Phantomhive intended to inhibit.

Ciel was completely worn-out when he finally came home on Sunday afternoon. All he wanted to do was sleep until he'd have to get up for the first day of year thirteen, but of course, his father wouldn't have that.

Mr. Phantomhive was displeased, to say the least. To run away for a weekend, and all the information he and his wife got on his whereabouts was a selfie with a petty caption – just what did his son think?

But that was unfair, Ciel argued. If it had been Lizzy, Sullivan, or Finny that he'd travelled with, it would've been no deal at all, it was just because the trip was for business and not leisure, and that's why Ciel didn't tell his father in the first place, because he knew he'd be mad.

“You're delusional to think that's the issue here. You could've formally asked for permission, and we would've given you that, because up until this weekend, I thought you were mature enough for that. Instead, you stage a rebellion with the obvious purpose of infuriating me, yes, don't interrupt me, you can't tell me you didn't go about it like this to annoy me. But what's worst is that neither your mother nor I had any idea where you were until Saturday afternoon, what do you think we would've been supposed to do if something had happened to you?”

It didn't really make any difference in Ciel's opinion, since what were the chances, and even if he'd gotten into a bad accident, lost his consciousness, and the police needed to confirm his identity, they could've checked the student ID he always carried around and found his parents in no time. But there was no point in arguing. His father was mad and he blamed Ciel's _bad behaviour_ on his _Instagram nonsense_ (and perhaps the impertinent new photographer), so he threatened to take it away from his son. For the upcoming month, Ciel wasn't allowed to leave the house for any other reason than school, and he'd need to come home right after class, which would make it impossible to shoot new content. If the boy disobeyed, his father would cancel his phone contract.

With all his unexpected recent expenses, Ciel couldn't afford setting up a contract of his own, let alone that he didn't even know if he'd get one as a minor with no regular income. And the hassles of a new number outplayed the inconvenience of behaving for a month.

“It's all Sebastian's fault,” Ciel complained to his friends Sullivan and Finnian, both of whom he took Chemistry with.

“Maybe it is, partly, but are you sure this isn't for the better? We've got so much homework and reading to do already and it's only the first week, how the heck do you think you'll keep up with A levels _and_ your feed all year?” Sullivan supported herself on Ciel's desk with her elbows, chin propped on her hands. “And Oxbridge applications are due next month and I know a certain someone who's supposed to apply.”

Ah, the uni applications. The academic race Ciel's entire life had led up to so far. His mother and father Oxford and Cambridge alumni respectively, he was expected to lay the foundation of his career at one of these universities. He had chosen his A levels accordingly: Chemistry, English Literature, and French; German for AS but he dropped it like a hot potato in year thirteen (how he ever got good marks in German was a mystery, all it did was torture him). All four of them elevating subjects that would look pretty on his application. No personality, nor any hints as to what he would want to do with his future. Just the good son. He wrinkled his nose when he thought about it now.

“I won't apply.”

“Huh?!” cried Sullivan and Finny in unison, but their teacher came in, and Ciel was spared of having to explain himself.

He didn't know how to explain. Not to his friends, and much less to his parents. What was he supposed to say? That he needed a gap year to find out who he truly was? But would a year be enough to find an answer to such a profound question? And wouldn't his father just put the blame for Ciel's indecisiveness on his unconventional student job?

But what if Ciel picked up a prestigious course of study at a prestigious university, only to grow to hate it so much that he'd drop out a year later? Wouldn't that just be a waste of time and money when he could be earning instead?

That's what kept Ciel awake at night, or distracted him from his homework. Admittedly, Sullivan was right: Being grounded really wasn't that problematic after all. Posting his stock of photos was about as much time as he could spare on social media when school work bit him in the butt. Maybe he should've done more during summer. He did miss his Instagram work but this was his time to catch up with what he'd been neglecting for too long. He'd turn this punishment into an opportunity.

School week one was quite productive. Ciel got a hang of his sleeping schedule again. He had a lot of reading to do for Literature specifically, but he was in the mood for that, and with an efficient use of time (leaving the phone in his pocket on the tube or the toilet and taking out his books instead), he could afford himself some catching up with sleep in one free or another. He did much of his Chemistry work with Sullivan and Finny in other frees, and French was great to show off at home, when he would revise his vocabulary and his parents would hear that when they'd pass his room. On Friday, he realised he hadn't heard anything from Sebastian ever since he'd explained his confinement. After staying in touch all summer, it felt odd. Ciel had gotten used to Sebastian's antics. But it was nice not to get his daily update on Sebastian's follower count, nor a furry cat butt photo. Sebastian did say he had a lot of work coming up this week too, so that was probably why. Ciel had to enjoy the calm as long as it would last.

Week two was alright but took more effort. There were essays to write, both in French and English Literature, and he could tell that organic chemistry would come to haunt him at least a few times the upcoming year, but it was still a productive time. He hated to admit it to himself (and would've never admitted it to anyone else) but sometimes, he felt a bit lonely. After dropping German, the only subject he still shared with Finny and Sullivan was Chemistry, and for the rest of the week, he was all by himself. Just when did he become so clingy and dependent. Being alone meant Ciel had more break time to kill with his phone, and that was probably why he went so far as to actually check Sebastian's follower count out of boredom. Oh wow, past 3K.

It had taken Ciel forever to get to 3K, and Sebastian just casually hit that number in a few weeks. Of course, it was purely because of the exposure he got through Ciel. The boy wasn't sure whether to be proud of his own influence, or envy Sebastian for the headstart.

Week three got tough. Ciel had given it his all the past two weeks, and fatigue was setting in. Just how was he supposed to make it through the rest of the year? No matter how much work he did, there was always more. More voluntary reading, more voluntary writing, but the _“voluntary”_ was a big, fat lie.

On Wednesday evening, while revising the different kinds of aromatic hydrocarbon that he knew, he got notified of a comment that Sebastian had left on a photo. What could that guy possibly want from Ciel on a Wednesday evening? Ah, false alarm, he had just replied to a comment on one of his own posts that Ciel was tagged in.

On Friday, instead of following his plans to write flash cards, Ciel slept through most of his frees. He couldn't help it, he had overdone it this week, and in order to be able to pay attention in class, he needed to rest in between. It was hard enough not to sink down on his bed in the afternoon and close his eyes for the night (or forever) but it was even harder to sit down at his desk and catch up on what he'd missed earlier that day. The fear of falling behind with his studies was his fuel, the stress kept him awake, and even though at first, he was somewhat productive with his flash cards and essay research, running on low energy for so long took a toll on the boy's body, so a lurking headache became stronger and stronger until he couldn't bear to look at his notes anymore.

Ciel knew he had overdone it, and he needed to relax, but he was bad at relaxing. How did others do it, anyway? Tell themselves not to be stressed anymore, to stop being tense, and that was is? It sounded like telling someone to stop being sad. He did have his own strategy to shut his thoughts off and remove the tension from his body, but he hated it. Better get up and get some pain killers before resorting to that.

Ciel met his father in the hallway.

“You've been studying a lot.”

“Mhm...” The boy wasn't really up for conversation right now.

Vincent Phantomhive could see the pain in his son's face. “I won't lift your curfew any earlier than planned, but let me just tell you that I appreciate your hard work.”

“Thanks...”

“But now go get some rest, overdoing it won't help anybody,” he said, and passed his son.

Ciel turned to look after his father. He almost felt like crying; whether that was because of the pain, or because of the relief of his father telling him to take things a bit easier tonight, he wasn't sure.

Ciel laid down in his bed and looked up at his starry sky. Time to relax. Go away, headache. Stop hurting, shoulders. Don't think of what's still left to do, brain. Don't do this to me, body.

He rubbed his thighs together. It would go like it always went, first he'd try to find an alternative. Surely there must be a different way to relax. Surely, other people had better strategies. Then he'd admit that even if they had, he wouldn't find out, and those strategies probably wouldn't help him. He'd tried yoga and hated it. He couldn't meditate because his thoughts didn't slow down. Then he'd bargain. _Some others might have better strategies, but what about those with very unhealthy ones? Some people drink alcohol or do drugs, isn't that awful?_ In comparison, his way seemed like the epitome of healthy coping, and he really did need the relaxation, so did he even have a choice? Halfway through the lonely discussion, his body would know what was to come, and eventually, Ciel would give in, slide his hand into his trousers, and touch himself.

He didn't mind it while he was doing it, because there was no space in his head for thinking about whether it was a good or bad thing, just like there wasn't any space for any other worrying thoughts. It was best when he managed to think of nothing at all, but sadly, this wasn't one of those times.

He looked at his hand before he wiped it with a tissue. At least the headache was gone. He could live with the self-loathing. Ciel would close his eyes now to sleep the rest of the tension away but didn't forget to set an alarm for later that night. He needed to look up the Michaelis constant for Chemistry later.

Ciel woke up again at eight and decided it was enough for that night. He'd profit more from enjoying the remainder of the day than forcing himself to do any more ineffective swotting.

He went down to the living room to join his parents in watching whatever was on telly right now, he didn't really care, he just wanted some company while replying to comments on a photo he'd posted a day earlier. The boy was getting himself a chocolate bar from the kitchen when he got a message from Sebastian.

A selfie, with a Mars bar, and the caption _»Following your example for a change«_

Ciel snorted. He opened his Milky Way, positioned it between his teeth, then snapped a picture too. And retook it three more times until he liked the outcome. Then sent it back. _»Anything you can do, I can do better«_

Sebastian replied immediately. _»So, how's school?«_

Someone was up for conversation, huh. Well, not like Ciel had anything better to do. _»I shouldn't be saying this in the third week but... ugh. I want the year to be over already.«_

_»Pull yourself together, it's not that bad. You won't get far with that attitude.«_

_»You're one to talk, you probably took, idk, art and photography and dance or something ridiculous like that«_

_»Actually, it was further mathematics, accounting, and physics. A* on all of them,«_ Sebastian replied.

Wait, what? Ciel had always thought Sebastian was stupid.

Sebastian added, _»Didn't think I was that smart, did you?«_

_»I certainly didn't. But why those? You strike me as more of a practical, brawn-over-brains guy.«_

_»Accounting will be helpful when I'm self-employed someday, and I just like calculating, I suppose. Not to talk myself down but you don't have to be particularly smart in order to be good at equations. It's a skill like any other.«_

Ciel would've argued differently but if Sebastian said so... He couldn't help but imagine sixth form Sebastian, calculating, and being really good at it. Sebastian must've been very proud of himself whenever his teachers praised him, and somehow, Ciel didn't mind the the idea of proud 17-year-old Sebastian.

Ciel didn't know what to say anymore, but he didn't want to let the conversation die like this. He had to assert dominance. Not sure what to say, he got himself some more sweets, and that was the answer. He took a picture of a handful of M&Ms before he shoved them into his mouth. _»See? I can do better.«_

_»No, you see, some treats once in a while are a-ok, but you have to go and overdo it again. I still haven’t found out if you ever eat anything decent, I’d be tempted to call youth welfare to report a neglected child if you were just a few years younger.«_

Ciel had been eating a lot of fruit and vegetables this past week but Sebastian didn't have to know that. _»Maybe I mostly live off photosynthesis and only eat processed foods for entertainment, you’ll never know.«_

_»I don’t get how you can live this way. I get sick just thinking of it.”_

_»Junk food just tastes better, you can’t argue that.«_

_»Certainly not better than my cooking,«_ Sebastian wrote.

_»How would I know, I don’t know what your cooking tastes like!«_

_»I dare you come to my place, taste it, and still insist that it’s worse than your trash in all honesty.«_

Oh no, had Ciel just accidentally invited himself? He had, hadn’t he? What now? Of course, he knew that chicken nuggets weren't the apex of culinary pleasure. In the long term, real home-cooked meals were better than any fast food. He had a nice meal on most days, made by the Phantomhives’ housekeeper on weeknights, and by his parents, in turns, on weekends. But that wasn’t as much fun to tell Sebastian. _»You know I’m still grounded, I can’t, even if I wanted to, or else I can say bye-bye to my phone.«_

_»Your confinement ends in two weeks.«_

That was true… Ciel bit his lower lip. He was actually curious about Sebastian’s kitchen skills, seeing as he was so proud of them. But was that worth the hassle? He thought of Lizzy. She would probably call him an _antisocial bean_ and tell him to accept the invitation if he asked for her opinion. And she'd be right. _»Alright, challenge accepted.«_ If junk food stopped being a certain way to wind Sebastian up, he'd find something different to tease him with.

 

* * *

  


Ciel usually only thought hard about what to wear when he was trying to match his outfit to a product he was advertising. Of course, Ciel did not lie when he said he had no intention of talking people into buying something he wasn't particularly convinced of himself, but the products he was usually approached with never really gave him any reasons for bad opinions, and a positive post matched with an aesthetically pleasing image looked best on the feed.

Was it his expectation of a positive opinion of Sebastian's cooking, then, that made him think hard about what was appropriate to wear for dinner at a poor student's tiny shared flat? Speaking of shared, would his flatmate be there too? Ciel wasn't sure if he preferred that or not; he had only just become accustomed to Sebastian's presence, he didn't need another person to make things awkward. Then again, what would he talk about with Sebastian all evening? It had never been an issue under what he thought of as a professional setting, and the long time spent together on the train was filled with mostly natural silences, but no doubt this dinner invitation was of a purely social nature, and it would be all about conversation. If he had learned one thing of his lawyer parents, it was that you did not talk about work at the dinner table at home. What, then, would he talk about with Sebastian if work was the one thing that tied them together? And more importantly, as he still hadn't found an answer yet, what would he wear? The light blue denim jacket that he always threw on when he really didn't know what else to do with his outfit?

Ah. He knew exactly what to wear. He just had to find that particular t-shirt.

 


End file.
